listening to music for airports.
planes that fly in blue.
still. eternal. true.
colours made of love.
love made of colours.
child of child raised.
lowered.
elder of elder lowered.
raised.
floating. dreaming.
wanting. being.
wanting more. never having.
having more. never wanting.

I feel a hole in my body. In my gut. I can hear it. Stinging.
Ripping slowly throughout my chest.
What purpose do I have here? In this world. Almost meaningful. Maybe not.
I don't know how to help myself. How to fix myself.  
Will I ever know?

today my therapist
said I looked happy
she didn't know
about the fresh bleeding lines on my thighs
or the broken spirit I can so well hide

she didn't know that my world was breaking
because I'm always faking
a smile
a laugh
any emotion at all
it all hurts

everything hurts
I can feel my veins pushing through my skin
screaming to be freed
and I free them
and pull down my sleeves
and hide

I've been hidden for so long
I feel "normal"
and even though its horrible
I thought that harming myself
was a standard method
to cope

but unlike me
the people around
feel calm and sound
most don't get washed up on shores
of death and destruction
by endless waves of emotions

and most
don't believe the best way to cope
is to set your blood free
and to give up your hope.

Your innocence
makes me
want to
sin

they love fairytale ,
coffee
and roses
but not the one who once
cuts himself

i made a list
i named it
"not welcome anymore"
and guess what?

be still as stereo,
so you can peep the wilting filigree
of the blooming expanse
we rarely ever care to choke on.

breathe is a question
whispered by oceans and i use
it coax this **** out of
lotus seeds.

why?

Stuck in the vortex
Of thinking you know everything
But knowing nothing
Guess we're all Hipsters?

Who
                               Are
  You
           To
                                     Judge
                  Others
For

     What
                       You
                                      Are

              NOT