Weep me into an orbit
secure my warmth into it
Elevated, tremble me still
Lifting my legs into the air
And completely releasing the ground
Most comforting coldness
Welcomes me to a void
An inter-clashing of hollow and heart
I see nothing before me
I feel nothing beneath me
Moving only relatively to you
But the air between us bends
My bones feel crisp
When energy evolves into matter
Experiencing, for the first time,
Negative space
Seeing what nothingness lies before me
The acceptance
Ensuring calamity’s deference
I’ll be there
May I be still but I am moving
You see me here
Mightful in collision and clamour
Which rings so silently
That my breathing sounds greater
I long to be there
To dissipate into light
Become a pull in the tide
Warp everything inside
Regenerating my new birth
Fulfilled by the presence of lacuna

Is it a name of a stripper?
I can't remember,honestly,
although my hands are on the zipper,
they do not belong to me.

Was it a word that rang through the empty hall?
Those moments are gone,
As I hit the wall,
I never had such fun.

Was it the bird that flew by the window,
The room never looked so bright,
Or the sounding of the bent old willow,
Or a cricket in the night?

Oh how easy I forget,
Once so vivid, lively, *****,
Now with echos of regret
It's just empty melancholy,
Once I knew what it meant.
Now just marble and cement.

I am devoid of something,
I am a void of nothing.

Remember
What we spent?
Remember
How we wept?

Was it all null?
Was it all nothing?

Remember
What I said?
Remember
The time before it was dead?

Was it all absent?
Was it all missing?

Remember
How we held
In a still moment such as this
How we suffered for the sun
And how we rejoiced for the rain?

Remember
A day similar to this and ones past
When we were together
And we held fast?

These seeds have taken me to an empty plot hole
A shattered *** bleeds where it's been swallowed
By the earth, so barren, scarred and mismanaged
Showing evidence of struggles and miscarriage
Dead trees left to crawl and sink
Crumble and stress the pressure pressed enough to turn them to ink
Dipped with the end of a quill taken from a broken wing
Used to write a suicide note you can harmonize and sing
And get a whole group in sync with you
Sit around a broken heart and have them think with you
Analyze every vein that turned dark and pumped pain
Wear your grief like a shirt and become the blood stain
Now get up off of that shelf
You're like a broken mirror when you look at yourself
You bonsai, your wilted branches weep
Discolored flowers, dead roots planted deep, just go to sleep

You say
please please
see me
see my soul
and see what I
can do
please see
me and say
that I am loveable
I won’t believe a word
but it will comfort me
briefly
I say please please
admire
my doing
even though I know
no matter how much
praise
I will get
it won’t help me
to believe
that any of it is true
I know this
but still
try to ignore it
a life long pattern
a pattern
that has shaped my life
it is difficult to change
it
the need for approval
is so great
it’s power so overwhelming
a force
that can not be stopped
easily
and so I seek false recognition
by the many ways
our culture allows me to
begging
for likes
like a billion
souls out there
trying to fill
a void
that seems
unbearable
having found no cure
I am only left with
posting these
words