In the town they built pubs and bars and clubs
Before they built the houses to cater for the needs
Of the nutcases and hard men and their gals
Who inhabited the place for they were all thirsty
And needed a drink or ten before the next fight
Or before going off to work in the mills
Or digging the canals or making train tracks
They were a bunch of hard bar stewards
Who you never ever messed with unless
You were one of them and of equal hardness
Cut form the same cloth and millstone grit
Quite unlike any other men in any other town
Simply the hardest and least girly of any men
They proudly lived in Bar Steward Town
And wrote the history books on being hard
Do you dare face them?

You never said anything
because it was him.

He was the one
all of the other girls
dreamed of.

He had the kind smile and the curly hair
and you had drank too much and you had been reckless
and you had acted like you wanted it.

"You'll ruin him,"
they said.
He was good kid.
He had a good future.
He had plans.
What about him?

What about his finger tips
that left bruises across my hipbones?
Or the way he shoved his tongue
down my throat?
What about all the other girls before me?
And the girls after?

What about me?

So you keep your mouth shut.
You listen to your friends
talk about him in passing.

And you never say anything.
Because he is him
and you are you.

Men will never feel how much heartache your sisters can bring to you. They will never know how much hope and despair that can fit into your softly chosen words, the ones you balanced on knife edges to find. They will never have to turn themselves inside out in order to do so, they will never even have to find them. And they will never grasp how fully your life can stop as she refuses to look you in the eyes.

Men will never have to learn the sinking feeling of emptiness as you realize you couldn't help after all. Not this time either. And they will never experience how much this will break your heart.

No, men will never understand the true meaning of the ultimate words "I've just talked to him and he's really sorry. We're gonna try again".

You kept on pressing down
as if my heart couldn't break at all
As if the pressure you applied
would not take it's heavy toll

You kept on pressing down
as if my body could absorb
Every blow and every insult
rebounding off your inner wars

You kept on pressing down
not believing I'd react
But now it's me who's pressing down
and you who's on your back

The field's on fire

wrath
and natural selection

loose in the commons

dying to ****
killing to die

this is no dress rehearsal
no prank

the breath of life
melts

into playground psychosis

triggering
the finger of a false god

summoned in the blackness

to try and choke humanity's
guiding flame

(but on it burns)

And you didn’t hold the kittens
They held you
In the upstairs of your barn
Behind one of the hay bails

Where summer was endless
lake days
holding hands
Climbing trees
And exploring

All of it made us feel like we never needed anything else
But we didn’t know anything else
Where even in the winter
The wood stove was there to help us keep our sunshine
Warm
And
Excited
Who could run the fastest
Who had the most secrets
We were
Terrified
Of the neighbors dog
And how he tore at our heels
If we weren’t fast enough
We were terrified of our older brothers
And how much our bodies didn’t belong to us

Both our fathers were too loud
And our mothers too meek
We
Were each other’s only escape....


There were red ones
That grew just out of the deer’s reach
Behind the best climbing tree
Littered with pots and pans as high as the eye could see
But the special ones
The yellow ones
Required some adventuring
We braved the feared boundaries by your neighbors where that Rottweiler could reach us
Just for something a little sweeter than what we had
But it was never as scary as going home
We would rather risk the snarling demon
Than go home and hear the screaming
Than go home and go to sleep
Only to wake up
And try to convince ourselves What happened in the night

Was a dream.

I was on my way to the ground

Face first, pavement bound,

Felt like atlas with the sky on me,

Expectations made me try to flee

My shoulders buckled and my knees gave out

You had to chuckle while I had to shout,

"The world is unfair, I'm stuck on this maze".

Yet you remained completely unfazed.

You looked in my eyes and you told me the truth:

To be happy is to fight nail and tooth

What good is to wish, what good is to hope?

If nothing is done, except that bottle to cope?

Course snow hits my face enough to muddy my brain.

more lies just in case, they suspect you're insane.

There is no one to blame except the one with the pen

You were never alone I was your friend...

And As long as you promise my heart to mend.

I'll promise you:

If you carry the sky then I'll carry you"

the weight dropped to the floor,

The sky was falling, and I care no more.

For As long as you're right next to me,

I will forever be...

Free.