I give myself up to fill you,
but you’re just a void.
You take all you want,
but cannot be destroyed.
You harbour all my energy,
fill my head with insanity,
...“as if”
I could be your fantasy.

My heart beats frantically,
As I cannot live with this agony.
You choked me down,
to have me around.
Yet I paid with my sanity?

How dare you come back to me,
begging for sweet *****,
just to taste what we could be.

You don’t deserve anybody,
let alone my ******* body,
so go away and leave my heart be.

I know you love me,
But do you love him?
I know I love you,
But how will this end?

Are you as scared as I am of letting go?
If you want out of this, will you please just tell me so?

I tried to talk to you , and you didn’t even look up.
I made you dinner that you didn’t even touch.

My hands start to shake,
and my eyes swell with tears.
My head starts to spin,
And I relive all my fears.


The trauma living in me, rears it’s head again.
I cower and I crumble, when I hear the yell of a man.

My throat tightens up
I’m afraid of being alone.
I feel as if I’m floating around with no place to call my home.

I wish for a family.
A happily ever after.
I dream of white dresses,
A special day filled with love and laughter.

But it is only wishful thinking.
And I know this to be true.
All that I’ve wanted in life was to find someone like you.

But am I the girl you’ve been searching for?
I really highly doubt it.
The lack of touch and intimacy, you’re practically shouting it.

You’re better on your own.
All I bring here is baggage,
Sticks and stones can break my bones
But my heart will break the fastest.

So tell me the truth will you?
Just lay it down upon me.
I promise I will take the cue
That you indeed don’t really want me.

You know what I have noticed?
People get tired really quickly when you try to talk about your pain
Like...Why are you crying?
“It doesn't help anything”
“It doesn't make me want help you
I can't help you”
((I won't help you)) is what they mean to say
Crying doesn't solve problems no..But I don't do it for you
Maybe I cry because it makes me feel better
Better to open the gates and let the water leak through a little everyday
Instead of waiting to to be so full I overflow all at once
Maybe I’m just done trying to pretend I am strong
Is that so wrong? To be a little vulnerable?
To let myself be a little weak..sometimes
It is not my job to secure your comfort when I am in pain
When I am in need of protecting
When the rain is collecting in wells above me
no longer calming
Saying. to me
Beneath its breath
Care for Not yourself
but for the ones who deem you
unworthy of caring for
You are the reason
The reason for the storm
When did the rain become my enemy?
Spouting such lies as it cries above me
In song
I like the melody
But the lyrics seem wrong
At some point I have to see
That it is my twisted reality
That distorts all around me
What the rain is really saying,
And it gives really good advice
If I just let myself hear it,
Is
Care for yourself, and Not for those who deem you unworthy of caring for
You are the reason
The reason for the storm

They say ideas are cheap,
I'm a hoarder of ideas,
but my accumulation of ideas,
still couldn't buy me the dream of you.

Not even on loan.

Maybe I should stop eating, Say that I'm not hungry
Maybe I should fly to New Zealand, Say that I couldn't afford a ticket back
Maybe I should cut carrots, Say that I was hungry
Maybe I should take the bus, Say that I wasn't fresh

Maybe I should trip over a knife, Say nothing
- Freja Jep