I once had a mother, who gave me away
Though time gone, never forgot her name
Years pass, thoughts of her the same
As a child, a game I would play
Maybe this time she'll come back and stay
Eventually, my heart took the blame
"Whose fault" now is the game
As I look back from then to this day
Who hurt me the most, that I could not recover?
What set off this bomb in my heart?
Why couldn't I land on my feet?
She gave up her role as my mother...
Tearing my soul apart
Wondering if I'm worth it to keep.

all of those lonely times where i crept down to the couch to sleep,
though you were lying in bed next to me
yet you weren't actually there
and i couldn't sleep
next to a body that no longer wanted me

Minutes of pregnancy
Siouxsie can't placate me
I'm wandering in the darkness...
in the underbelly of life
scared of my own body,
now I understand the strife...the fear inside

I didn't fear it
but it is here!
I could laugh at it
until I see it coming straight at me...
and nothing is fun anymore

"I'll be the pregnant punk girl at class,
Another brick in my strange life.
I'll be worrying until I see what's up"

Minutes of pregnancy,
minutes in hell.
It was the darkest shade,
that I would be a mother,
so much shame over me,
the little girl that got eaten by the wolves and her worms,
the worms of her cobwebs, long, long cobwebs.
I know I am a hysterical child,
moved only by my own terrors.
What will I do? I ask, worried, to anyone who wants to hear me.

Will you be with me?
Will you hold my hand?
Or leave me there to bleed?
Is mom right about this?

My most feared performance...

it's like i'm swimming from coast to coast
but still i'm drowning everyday
by body is an unwanted host
that dosen't listen when i pray

it's like my soul is so tired
that it wants to exhaust
i'm mad and uninspired
i'm lost

You were...
The ultraviolet that shined on me,
Revealing invisible pages.
Pages that hid my thoughts,
My emotions...
Pages that hid myself.

You were...
The light in my own incompetence,
Shining a path to realizing myself.
The light that sparked inspiration,
Passion...
The light that sparked love.
But,

You were...
Forgotten as swiftly in love were we,
Another glance in the crowd.
I felt unwanted,
annoyed...
I felt hopeless.
Because,

We weren't meant to be.
I took a step forward,
You took a step forward
But your light disappeared.

You were...
Gone.

Flowing silver
plated guise
I Give you a flower
that will never die

Reflect unto me
an unfortunate tone
I give you a necklace
you only want the stone

My father and mother gave me life.
Father contributed maybe just a minute;
His effort made life happen to me
Then he mostly cast me adrift in it.
Mother took longer to have me
But cared even less for me it seems
And after she did what she had to do
She just cared about her own dreams.

Life can be painful if you’re an orphan
Uncared for, unwanted and a pain.
It’s almost like people hold living against you
When they see you coming around once again.
Believe me, this is not what I wanted;
Always to be the flat fifth wheel.
I don’t know what else could have happened
But I have always aware of what I feel.

I developed a lifelong hatred of imposing,
Of asking something when not welcome.
I did what I could to show gratitude
But somehow I was taken as loathsome.
It was almost as if to know me was to hate me
And the best thing I could do was to be gone.
To make myself scarce from the party.
My best trick was just me moving on.

So, early in life, I started collecting
A brand-new batch of my family.
I only kept around those with no problem
Letting me know that they treasured me.
I stopped keeping track of the careless,
The users that only wanted what I had.
I turned my ears deaf to any naysayers
And ever since then I have been glad.

Christmas stopped being painful or lonely
With loneliness or abuse being the theme.
I joined in the traditions and merriment
And made holidays the fun they should seem.
I had my decorations and stockings hung up
On the mantel of a home of my very own.
And for those who didn’t care much for me
I wish them a Happy Twilight Zone.

I've found my new obsession.

Smirk affixed to his face
with sarcastic remarks
and slippery words,

mysterious in that stupid
teenage way.

I'd **** to hear what he has to say
about the nonsensical *******
we're forced to endure
each day
that the government calls an
"education".

I'm sure
his opinions on how
we're taught to the standardized tests,
nothing more
and nothing less
could cause enough raw power
to run the whole of New York City
for a month.

Though, too, I'd **** to learn
the terrain of his lips
as our bodies
slammed
against lockers,

oblivious classmates
a wall away
consumed by the
awesome
world of geography,
missing out on something
so
much
more.

He and I,
we'd know what more is,
we'd know how to consume it,
how to keep it at bay,
how to work it
like a hat,
a hat we aren't allowed to wear
at school.

We'd laugh at our own obscurity,
and shared secrets
would run through our veins
like blood,

one cut and it all spills