gutted like a fish
my innards strewn about
i watch everyone
step over them
in hopes they won't be seen

i salvage what's left of me
unnoticed and unrecognizable
i paint a smile
with two dollar lipstick
to mask the suffering

who could i ask for help
anyway?
the world and the god
know of my despair
but the lights keep
going out during the storm

blindly leading
i don't trust myself
and i won't trust you either
a vicious cycle of misfortune
can change even
the strongest of hearts
to stone

The trials and tribulations you go through
Are testament to who you are
And the strength in you,
For you will never be tested beyond your means,
So hold fast to your values,
To your dreams and desires,
And show them who’s wrong
And who’s right.

We never have the essential answers, to the questions in our daily lives.
God takes the lead and remains in control.
God touches our hearts beyond wishes untold.
I know you’re hurting so very much; I want to help but I don’t know how.
This storm of yours is barreling toward you; sweeping you up and spinning you within.
You hide behind your strength for others;
but you my friend need someone too!
I can’t imagine, in my wildest dream the intensity
of your pain; the complexity of your damaged will!
To lose so many whom you love so dearly, has got to be
robbing your emotion.
When your insides feel like a drowning sorrow,
When your days and nights regret tomorrow,
When your eyes tear up behind their sockets,
(because you refuse to let your feelings show).
When you just don’t want to be the “old” you,
When you can’t see yourself making it through.
When you just can’t seem to gain any control.
When you feel like giving it all up for good,
When your pain and hurt is misunderstood.
Always remember what I am saying.
Dearest friend in “my whole wide world”,
Our Heavenly father is right by your side.
We have our pain and rock hard endings.
We have our trials and tribulations.
We have our moments of dis-repair.

We have our moments when we just don’t care.
But you serve a God who is all around you.
Holding you close in your raging storm.
You may not see it; you may not feel it.
But God is standing faithfully behind you;
waiting for you to Trust him and fall.

The sun has become harder to bear
this late April morning.....under
a perfect blue sky, the sun is bright as ever,
it slightly ****** the skin,
grass takes all the heat but is just as green
and still sways to the blowing wind...

we're showered with many tribulations,
bombarded with dim scenarios...revelations

of despondency, death, desperation,
......and of man's evil inclinations...

fear and confusion filter through holes
and tiniest crevices of grounds and walls,

we make do with small corners,
just to create spaces apart  from each other

we hear warnings...talks in apocalyptic
tones...we learn of events cataclysmic,

yet, we ignore earth's stormy winds and waves,
telling us.....begging us to change our ways.

we breathe, we can see, we have ears
clearly, we choose what to see and hear...
........................................................
­.......................................................
.........­.................Spring's sky is all over,
but, the lilt, the spring feeling, is nowhere
.......................................................
.­......................................................




Sally

Copyright Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
April 5, 2020

Always out of place,
And looking for more.
I have many hopes and dreams,
Yet they never soar.
In need of a push,
Some motivation.
But all it ever does
Is turn into frustration.

Wake up with adrenaline,
But it never lasts.
All I ever think about
Is how I failed in the past.
I’m stuck in a rut
And can’t get out.
I feel like I can do it
But then my head fills with doubt.

I try and try again,
But I always fail.
Do I try again?
Or keep walking down this trail.
Everywhere I look,
I see success.
I keep going nowhere
Even though I try my best.

Tired of being comfortable
In the same place.
All of this talent and ideas
Going to waste.
It’s time to get to work,
These words I must embrace.
No more sitting on the sidelines,
It’s time to join the race.