Now I’m ashamed
To open my mouth
Cause I fear you may not like
what will come out

Put the black ink into your glass
It turned blunt, sorry I don’t want to
Sound like a haggard girl, who went through a lot of stuff

I see the old me in you
But something made me change or break down
Cause I used to have the same mindset you have
Until I faced the realm

You’re too kind, you’re too wise
I think you’re too good to trust
I hate to be this way, but I’m like
What have I been doing this whole time?

Cause I could be all of the things, and I’m none
I did not get anywhere near my goal
Heart’s getting heavy to speak
I wish I could delete the scene

But I wonder if I’m ever right
To doubt the power of light
Cause having sun shining to everyone
I’ll find a cloud to cover the bright

Under different circumstances who I could have become
She would be
Carefree
Smart,
Confident
Friendly
Trusting
Loving
She wouldn’t think everyone is going to leave her
She wouldn’t see memories of the past in people’s actions
She would trust that people mean what they say
She could love
And be loved
But I am not her
I grew up hard and rough
I wasn’t able to be that carefree
I will never be smart and confident
I will always struggle to make and keep friends
I will always struggle to love
And I will never be able to be loved

my body was once a temple to Daphne consecrated,
got razed by your sinful touch,
an ingenue bearing the grudge.
ephemeral eudaemonia, sempiternally anesthetized.


crimson substance will gush out from my lips,
running down my ******* and hips
it will splatter my ankles and thighs,
retracing the marks of the night you eroticized.


same old scars were once covered with epidermis,
petrichor smell, decorated with the salt of my tears.
backsliders will cry at my vault, murderers won't go to court;
left with a soul reduced to the coagulation of common thought.

My Inner Critic
I've misunderstood you far too long
I used to think you ginormous
But I see you're actually small.

You're not a beast I need to hide from
But a child I must protect
Your poisonous tongue was cursed to you
From years of abuse and neglect.

When you're scared, you can be scary
To get attention, you yell mean things
You bring something up over and over again
When you know that I'm not listening.

When I look, you're stuck and screaming
Like you felt and could never express
You see danger and no one will listen
I shut you down like all of the rest.

Sweet one, I'm sorry I ran from you
I misjudged your might and will
Now I've grown and understand better
No one ever taught you the skills.

Instead you learned to fear your big feelings
Because they made you bad and unloveable
But your feelings are valid and helpful to hold
You're on fire, but you're not combustible.

The rage that electrifies your skin
Makes sense and will not destroy you
We can redirect, run through it's end
Then, together, decide what to do.

You screamed that you wanted to die
But we dyed our hair instead
You wanted to take your own life
So we've taken it into our own hands.

Big feelings will always wash over us
I know sometimes that feels like too much
But now I'll listen and we can make choices
That won't harm either of us.

he brings the storms
his heart is a battlefield of highs and lows
bipolar skies
filled with clouds that shift from sunshine to tempest

and i, i am his mirror
an echo of his broken soul
a child of that storm
torn between the calm and the chaos

we are bound by our blood
by the same fire that roars in our veins
but we are split by the chasm of his silence
his departure is a bridge
burnt by the flames of his own war

in my darkest times, i see him
in my reflection, and in my shadow
and it leaves me wondering
am i chasing the ghost of a man who never learned to stay?

our connection is a wound, scarred deep
where love and pain intertwine
where his legacy is my inheritance
an heirloom of torture
a story that will never come to fruition
and a relationship torn to pieces

I wish you’d rise above it all
And be the person I thought I saw.
The loving parent I dreamed you’d be,
Cherishing your kids unconditionally.
But once again, I see the truth—
That dream was never meant for you.

You taught us right from wrong, it’s true,
But failed to practice what you knew.
Believing yourself better than the rest,
Yet you’re no top-notch, high-class success.
Not even the middle ground you aspired to be,
But the dollar store version of what a parent shouldn’t be.

Your children are shattered, broken, and torn,
But instead of reflection, you point and scorn.
Blaming others, yet blind to this fact:
Every hand shaped the pain we’ve packed.
One told us love wasn’t ours to claim,
That our worth was tied to our weight and shame.
Another sought love and found none to give,
While one taught us grace in how to live.
The rest hid away, their courage sold,
Leaving us with lessons both cruel and cold.

But you, you’re the real masterstroke—
You taught us to carry everyone’s yoke.
To put ourselves last, to give and give,
Till there’s nothing left in us to live.
Now we’re all broken in different ways—
One’s near the grave, another astray,
And the last just fights to make it through the day.

They cry softly at night, their breath so thin,
You wouldn’t notice—it doesn’t fit in.
All they’ve ever wanted was to make you proud,
To feel seen, even once, above the crowd.
But your plans for them twist and betray,
Stealing their hope and their dreams away.

You rob them of money, of land, of peace,
All for a façade that will never cease.
Chasing a life to save face at work,
Pretending you’re more than a person who shirks.
But the truth is plain for all to see—
You’ve failed them, and you’ve failed me.

ocd is
the loop
you can’t break,
a thought that whispers
over and over—
check again,
just to be sure.

you do what it says,
but the relief is temporary,
like a mirage
disappearing
as soon as you reach it.

you try to fight,
but the chains are invisible,
and they drag you
in circles.

you walked through the fire
& lived to tell the tale—
but now,
the smoke
still clings to your lungs,
& every breath feels
like a battle
you never asked to fight.

i do not believe
in gods or devils,
but guilt whispers
their names to me
anyway.

a hymn of
you should have been better
plays in my chest,
and i hum along,
even though
i do not know the words.