A toddler with a stick
poking holes in wet sand;
Making short lines and squiggles
which waves wipe quickly away.  
When his toes have been tickled
and sand rises up around his tiny feet,
the boy falls
backwards onto his bottom.
There! Did you feel it? The universe stops–

Then begins again -
with delighted squeals burbling forth
as the water moves around him
licking his skin –
and a thousand small kittens
tumble away.

This young man in front of me
Nor care nor hate
A sense of indifference
A sense of unfamiliarity
I don’t know him
He doesn’t know me
I don’t love him as much
I doubt he does as well
In my dreams
This young fragile baby in my cradle
The tiny tot,
grinning from ear to ear, an injection of innocence
Replaced with glum
How reality hits
How life hits hard
Carefree laughter
As replaced by swear words
Where did that little boy go?
I miss him dearly
Stroke his hair, watch him while he sleeps
I miss him dearly...
Keep coming to my dreams, little boy
That’s where you belong now
Life

Remember before the
Days of darkness
Rise, there used
To be brighter times?

The days of
Skinned knees and
Dancing in the
Autumn leaves
Haunt my teenage
Dreams.

Back to when
Sesame Street played
Endlessly on the
Family T.V. and
If Daddy watched it
One more time,
He'd **** near
Scream.

When Mama had
Her Canon in my face
And I'd hide in
The tiny spaces;
Appreciating the simpleness
Of my childhood
Resting place.

Before reality set
In and rattled
My toddler brain;
Before the world
Would turn
Cold and "how
Big the sky was" would
Just become
Another midnight
Thought.

How could I refrain
From such beautiful
Memories when
They're still
Haunting my
Teenage dreams?

Sorry sweetheart
mommy was drunk last night
Had too many alcohols
and she couldn't fit all
of the fruit snacks into
her mouth before
she passed out
that's why
the bed is covered in them
yes you can have some

"call me spoons"
said "be giving you what you need,"
pause.
like a toddler, sat in high chair
mess face consisting mostly of chocolate pudding, eviscerated green beans, promises
promises
promises
promises "you are one of a kind."
a hand that can't win.
"you're special,"
the kitten no one adopts
"unique"
alone
"perfect"
can't be fixed
can't be fixed
can't be fixed
can't
be
fixed
broken boy sitting at dinner next to cracked mirror metaphor
mess face consisting mostly of bruises and that's it.
bag of frozen peas on the eye
green beans became useless after dad ran out
spoons across the dining room
no words; body language says enough
"i failed you."
said
"couldn't give you what you need."
"what you need."
what you need
what you need
what you need? you.
you need you.
you need you.
spoons at the end of a rope
black eyes toddler can't see
blind reach
spoons isn't there
spoons isn't there
no object permanence means that while spoons aren't around, baby can't get what it needs.
object permanence means in 1997 when you cheated again and she found out
that there was no running away this time that you in this state will exist in abject permanence.
she can never unsee
bent spoons stained with street glue
black tar lungs and inability to breathe
mess face consisting mostly of
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry