emotions come into my brain
working at steering me to feel insane
my brain always tries to kick them out
but they always like to lock it out
as they battle and i stare
i long to find the key in despair
to help my brain get back its ruling chair
take the script in both hands and gave it a mighty tear
somehow emotions always seem to reign and overflow
turning me into an immaculate freak show
tears are pouring out all over the floor
shaking and tormenting my very core

why do i have to feel so intensely
why is my life packed so densely

14/05/2020

Windy rain
Autumn Reminder
Ashes flood
A mountain full of ice
This is a compassionate fire
It doesn't end there
With the heat of this tired
He dies one day

Mohamadreza Baseri

lately i've been feeling stumped
because even my own roots do
not ground me firmly
but they want to
bury me
alive

Stress keeps piling up
I adjust
And make room
For it
So it’s all manageable

At this point it feels like
All the domino chips
Are lined up
And I’m just waiting
For a flick
Till it all comes crashing
Down

Is R E A L I T Y even R E A L ?
Lately I can barely even F E E L .

                                                        I'm trying to F I N D ,
                                                        Why I've had a battle in my M I N D .

                              I watch as people L I E ,
                              Leaving the others to just sit and  C R Y .

Humans are evil, we let others  H U R T ,
And although it's not okay it makes them A L E R T .
                                                          
    ­                                                      I guess everything has a R E A S O N ,
                                                          Just like each and every S E A S O N .

                              So to answer my own question, L I F E is R E A L ,
                              And it's quite a big D E A L .

People will always worry,
           That doesn't make me hate it any less.
People will always worry,
                 But I don't have much of a choice I guess.
People will always worry,
                             I hate that word so, so much.
People will always worry,
                                        It just has a sour sort of touch.
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
                                         All because of that one night,
                                                                        When I tried to shut out the light.

i’m currently writing this on tear stained paper
right next to my journal entries from a year ago.
first off i just want to say,
promises don’t last.

there’s something about being so close to the edge but knowing you’re not going to fall.

looking at my feet dangling off the end of a cliff..
i love it.

it’s so on edge
but also so secure
because unless an accident happened..
you’re not going to randomly just fall over.
you’ve sat your whole life since you were a baby.
you’re not going to randomly tip over

for example when you sit in a chair..
you trust yourself enough to eat at a table with confidence that you’re not going to just fall off of your chair..

yet we are so frightened by the idea of an edge
of pain
of the end
the end of what..us? you..? me..?
there is no end according to my town growing up, you live forever.
because of God..? right..?
we go on into heaven.
so even when we push the edge.. they shouldn’t fear right??
because they live on.??
lol where is God when you die?
idk

and i don’t think i want to know
because even though we truly have nothing to fear except the unknown

none of us trust ourselves enough
or dare ourselves to push the edge
to get that slight rush followed by the relief of:
“hmm that’s not so bad”

it’s so peaceful.

idk sometimes i feel like i’m just idling on the edge of a cliff and i just want to ******* gas it

he promised me in thirty years we’d be sitting on this rock and thinking about how amazing life is
ha and guess what?

he lied
life is ******.

kinda wanna die right now

A pressure's rising within me
Snap. That's how it'll be.

I've plotted a hundred,
thousand, no- a million ways to do it.

I've yet to act on a single one.
But oh, how I long for it.

Face-value lies are my strong suit,
it lets me hide just below the surface.

And if someone really thought to look,
they'd find me.

Sitting in the corner, face twisted
into ugly despair without tears.

The pressure is too much,
like a taught bow-string.

It needs release.
I need relief.

It'd be easy to get some,
the tools are right in front of me.

It's been a long debated scenario in my head,
I can't imagine a life where I live to be over twenty.

Everyone is starting to plan their future without me already,
so why the hell should I bother them?

Friends come and go,
It's not like I'm special in there eyes...right?

But it would leave people haunted,
and they don't deserve to be a part of my burden like that.

No matter how cruel they can be...
The only one I can bring myself to loathe is me.