We haven’t conquered anything
And that’s okay
It’s frustrating demanding something
Other people don't exactly like
When you and them - or they
Enjoy what they can get
From all the work
You ought to
All be doing
But it seems you’re doing
On your own
They really have a handle on
What you can’t get your head around
But it still feels like
It’s just you that’s doing
What’s important

But what are you doing?

Your presence alured me
Your answer assured me
Yet I lay alone in regret
This feeling consumes me
Your signals confuse me
Why love me, then one day forget I exist?

Opening your Dms, haven't seen you since
Hanging out with Peter while I wash away my sins
Tell me where you've been
Messages left on seen

Spoke to your own mother, neither does she know
Said he's "just your bro"
Although we never went to ferris wheels
You never asked how that would make me feel

And yet, when we talk, it's your eyes
And your voice that sends me to the skies
So answer me why, can't you reply to this guy?

That guy referring to me, don't you see?
When I confessed to you, my conquest turned into a goal
And your soul, intertwined with mine
And interventions so divine

And although, i don't know what your doing
Im assured your just, taking your time to reply
Tell me then, oh why? Oh why?
Why do I send the 3rd follow up question
To no avail, I lose motivation

Those kisses on my cheeks leave me lonely in my sheets
As I cry to see your feats, while i lay here in defeat

And yet once in a while you reasure me
As I choose to endure
This same love used to cure me
Now it leaves me in the dust

"Just,reply whenever" i throw the phone to the floor
Can't take this anymore
My mother knocking on the door
I hold back the tears as I fear her ears hear
"Im busy" wrenching as im drenching my eyes
I despise you, want to cut ties with you
But the dreams I have tell me that there's hope if I keep this broken point of view

Do you hate me? Why date me? Then ignore me like the plague?
Am I such a burden than you refuse us having an exchange?
I regret to inform you, your next reply changes nothing
This isn't immaturity, this isn't me fussing

Im typing this all, deleting and retyping
Must be tiresome, reading an overhyped essay
I digress, I regret that I confessed
I can't take back when I said that you looked hot in that dress

So forgive me, but I've spiritually broken up
As you mentally have
Even ground
Without a sound
We go our separate ways

in my deepest
exhale
i found the
weight i carried
float away
from me
and now
i can finally
breathe

I am tired of giving
and lending, comforting
to never try

just sick of breaking
and betting, gambling
but not to cry

if only I could sleep
and dream, resting
without this drug

to receive is wishing
and pleading, exhausting
all my might

if this is living
then it is not worth it
I'd rather lie

my words are incoherent
verbose, assaulting
may it survive

She let her
dreams grow
wings

Half a year has passed
Love has been recalled
and lives have been lost
Hearts have been split in halves
Lessons learned, wages earned
More questions left unanswered
Am I getting older
or just getting used to it?
Am I growing wiser
or just getting my old self back?
But all the love I think I gave to people,
out to the bigger world,
I need a little bit of that back for myself.
Even just for a little while.
I need some kind of balance
or even an illusion thereof.
Am I becoming stronger
or getting more careless?
Am I getting smarter
or just getting sheer luck?
Yet all the lessons I thought I learned
from all the people I gave my love to,
I think I didn't really need them.
All I needed was to do it myself.
Like I always do.
Is the earth getting warmer
or is my skin growing thicker?
Are my dreams becoming closer
or I just couldn't care less any longer?
More questions will be asked
and will be left unanswered.

It was a regular Saturday night for you,
But it was the most magical moment for me,
I felt sparks fly when I looked you in your eyes,
I guess eyes tell lies.

I keep asking myself,
Why do I miss him,
He clearly doesn’t feel the same way,
He only thinks about himself.

How did I misread the situation?
I am usually so good at reading people.
Your eyes deceived my heart,
Now all I am left with is agitation.