Fishing the coins up from my pocket.
One by one.
Counting them carefully. Repeatedly.
I hope I haven’t forgot some.
Just the thought of it makes me nervous.
I’ll face the ground.
What should I do if I have counted wrong?
Just keep looking down.
Standing in line, trapped in a cage.
The next one is me.
Please, don’t do anything stupid.
Count slowly to three.
The beeping from the machine.
It’s too loud.
The voices and smiles are all too much.
I don’t belong in a crowd.
I am up front, the point of no return.
Eye to eye.
Looking down, giving the money.
I am ready to die.
All the attention is now gone, I’m free.
The exit has arrived.
I can’t believe I did it once again.
I can’t believe I survived.
Back when I was younger I was terrified when I had to face the cashier and pay all by myself. It was like everyone kept staring at me and I would always imagine the worst case scenario.
Luckily I don't have that problem anymore. I have even worked as a cashier myself.
