you're being irrational
you aren't being bullied
your parents are loving and caring... for the most part
you have lots of friends
you're "normal"
you're pretty
and you're privileged
and you have a lot
your friends have it way worse
you're overreacting

I cry because I don't want to live
but at least I look pretty doing it

relief
i don’t want to die,
i just want
the ache
to go away,
the heaviness
to lift,
the silence
to be kind.

i don’t want
to end it,
i just want
to feel
like i’m
breathing again.

envy is a strange thing
i scrolled through
the life of a boy
i had never known,
watched the love
pour over him
like flowers on a grave,
watched the silence
turn to screams
of “i miss you”
& “why did you leave?”

& i thought,
what would they say
about me?
would their silence
finally break?
would their love
finally bloom?

but then i realized—
he is not here
to feel it,
to hear it,
to carry it.
& i—
i am still here.
& if i am still here,
there is still time
to teach them
how to love me
while i am alive.

—stay, even if the love feels quiet.

the bottle of pills on my dresser
becomes more tempting

or taking the blades out of my razor
and killing myself in the shower

jumping out the window
it has no bug net

hanging myself with my charger
I learned how to tie a noose on Pinterest









"don't worry
nothing's wrong"

"Without you, I
Would probably die"
"You don't know
What it feels like" "No
I can't stop"
"Right at the top
Of that building looks nice"
"I really wanna ****
Myself"
When will
People stop telling me this?
All it does is
Make me
Worry;
If you ever **** yourself
Was it that I didn't do
Enough for you?
"You're the only one that can"
Sure, I understand
How hard it's been
(I've seen
Others of your kind)
But if you ever die
By
Your own hands the only thing on my mind
Would be
The number of times
You came to me
And my love
Wasn't enough
To help. "You're
A lifesaver"; for
How long will this be true?
For how long can I keep you
In my sight?
I could try but all my might
Will never be enough for
All of you.
It's not that I can't do
It anymore.
You tell
Me you can't hold back
So I do
The holding for you.
But unfortunately
For you and me--
My arms ache as well.

I thought I could do it; God knows I’ve been trying.
But now I’m not so sure. I’ll just keep hiding it and lying.

I’m not doing well—I haven’t been since I can remember.
I’m trying, I promise that I am; but I don’t think I’m going to make it past December.

It’s easier for me to be strong for other people,
But when it comes to myself, I’m less resilient.
You see, I still don’t love myself enough; isn’t that just brilliant?

I’ve made big strides on the path of self-love,
But I still have such a long way to go.
How does one keep going when it feels like they’re always lost, always searching for home?

I’ve always found comfort in the heart of another person.
You see, they become my home, and when they leave, my self-love only worsens.

I need to find comfort within myself and start looking more inward.
But that’s easier said than done, especially when you want to be done with moving forward.

I don’t want to give up, but then again, yes, I do.
I’m so tired of everything, and honestly, the only thing that was keeping me going was you.

But I’ll never tell you that because, God, it would **** me if you knew.
I know the guilt would eat you alive, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
You don’t need any more on your plate, especially not in the volumes that I have.

Yeah, I know everyone has baggage, but mine is a storm.
A weight too heavy, a shape that doesn’t conform.
It’s chaos wrapped in silence, a burden I can’t share,
A never-ending ache that lingers in the air.

So I’ll carry it alone, no matter how it burns,
And shield you from the darkness with every twist and turn.
You’ve got enough to handle; you don’t need my despair,
I’ll lock it all away—it’s mine alone to bear.

So instead, you’ll never know, because I just couldn’t live with myself if you ever found out.
I have never loved someone more than I love you—that’s the truth, without a doubt.

And even if I decide to leave this earth because the pain just won’t stop,
I don’t want you to ever realize or notice.
There’s more to life than waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t know how many times I can say it, but I just want you to be filled with joy.
So, you’ll never find out just how badly I’m struggling; I’ll just keep pretending and act coy.

You see, I can be a good actress; I put on a ******* good show.
So even if you stop hearing from me, I just want to remind you one last time, because you deserve to know:
I love you with every ounce of my being, and God, I hope you know that’s true.
I’ve honestly never loved anybody as much as I love you.

Our souls are connected—I can feel it; it’s true.
If I can’t be the one to love you, I just hope she does a decent job too.

I love you. I’m sorry. I’ll try to hang on for as long as I can.
But I can no longer promise that I’ll stay; please just know I’ve never met a better man.

I hope she makes you happy and that your love she’ll never outgrow.
You deserve the world, my love. I hope you understand and know.
And that’ll be the last thing you hear from me after I decide it’s time to let go.

Born
Into a world
Of trauma

Things continue
To go downhill
Every single year
Of my life

They keep getting
WORSE
With only small snipits
Of being alright
Just enough to keep me
Hopeful and alive

But whats it all for
When life throws me out
Onto the floor
And continues to pour
My hopes
My dreams
My love
My sanity
Right down the drain

Worse
WOrse
WORse
WORSe
And WORSE

Fetch me from this place
Keep me eternally safe

Let me live in your arms
Please be my personal escape

I cannot face life
For the life I want
And possibly need
Is one where
My effort is required no more

Please
Goodbye
Please
Lie
Please
Let
Me
Go
And
Die
Peaceful­ly
Within
Your
Arms
In
A
Bed
Of
Your
Love
Before
I
Get
WORSE