I once kissed a boy after too many shots and lots of stupid decisions but I haven’t stopped thinking about him since

I'm addicted, an addict in the night.  A rift, a fault, a weakness,
Something makes me fall.  I crack.  

So sad to be so intelligent and, yet, to be so stupid.  

In the middle of night you say to me, that "it just is."  I am blind and I am deaf.  
I cannot know what "it is" if I cannot see it, feel it.  

It just isn"t...O, love!

I once knew a brilliant young man who put a piece of wood under his chin
And played beautiful music.  

I wish that you were him.

The other day my kid asked me some questions about the human body, and with my intelligence, I decided to let him know...

"Why have we got ears?"
"So that our glasses have something to rest on"

"Why do we have eyes?"
"Because otherwise our eyelids wouldn't protect anything".

"Why do we fingers?"
"well, fingernails need to grow off something!"

"Why do we have noses?"
"Because if we didn't, we'd look like Voldemort"

"why do we have *******"
"So that we can make a face with our stomachs"

i want to hold your hand
but the mere thought
of our fingers brushing
leaves my palms sweating
and chest pounding
i want to see you
but that requires you seeing me
and it makes me want to fold myself in,
all the parts of me i'm not proud of
there are too many
because to you i am only a fleeting star like all the rest in the sky
but to me you are long-lived galaxies taking up my headspace, lasting, lingering
even after the last star burns out.

I'm fat
My stomache stretches out of its place when i eat
Don't eat
I want to look in mirror and be happy
People shouldn't tease me because I'm not skinny
be skinny
Who cares if I'm unhealthy
As long as I'm pretty

Your kindness has killed me.

It wasn't too sweet, not saccharine,
you came with a hint of lemon-sharp smiles
and mischievous eyes, cheek slipping off your tongue
to fall on my skin like a bluntly barbed-caress,
each laugh a knife that cuts me to remember.
I barely knew you but even so, I think it was enough
to slip into loving him who I perceived you to be.

My thoughts are heavy and loud
they make my head pound and my neck sore
my body begins to shake
Quaking in my own significance
i dont want to exist anymore
Let me go