I don't know, how many heartbeats are left in this body. But I can assure you, that my time is quite near. Near to the gates of freedom from this sinful body. I admire, the ticks on the old wall clock. It gradually reminds me of my choking last breaths. The treasure chest in my heart weighs heavy with sorrows. The key resides in my mind, where the memories churn. My eyes stare wide at the pillars and the high ceilings. The energy to raise my hand has drained to the point, where I can't even get up. Blurred vision and twinkling micro lights fly whenever I blink to see, to see what I've missed more. To see that one peace that my soul craved for. To see you, being successful. Sometimes, I hold onto my breath...to get the feelings of death. But then, I am suddenly perched with enormous pain, like a million needles stamped over my chest.
A pin drop silence, then a siren sheering sound bust in my ears. And this, my dear I believe is a tour of hell.
It's just a bad fate, I carry with me, and this will leave me only.
Only, on the day,
I leave this needless body, for good
And all the pain, the sufferings, the sounds shall stop
...
A pin drop silence



©sim

So let's talk about love, shall we?
Let's talk about you and me,
And all of the possibilities,
The what ifs,
What could be,
Where would we be if I said yes,
Or if you actually asked;

Let's talk about love baby,
About your dreams and frustrations,
Which colour your mood is in today,
How music affects your ability to work and play,
Or if your passion matches your intention,
The way your words echo and resound in every little action,
Would I know it when I see it or do you have to point it out,
Spell it word for word one letter of the alphabet at a time so that I could read it for fear I've been blinded from past experience where my heart ripped out and stomped on as it was laid bare?

Please, could we talk about love honestly,
For we spend nights shouting into an abyss of trust issues,
As we're both too proud to realise how we doubt the other's words by straight up lying through gritted teeth,
Bit lips for me as I type my reply to counter each of your denials,
Only to fall back in tears steadily streaming like rivers carving lines of worry and fear through my aging face that no one could ever look at with pride and admiration,
As you and your youth talk to me about disappointing yourself for not trying to live life,
Forgetting that I too want the very same things you do which was why I fell for you and you knew,
But the thing was that we don't focus on what's in front of us thinking we have a future ahead where it's fixed that you're for me and I for you,
Having forgotten that our choices will pave, shape and build us both;

Can I just talk about love quickly,
Before these words slipped right through me,
As I fall asleep trying to forget the songs you sang one lonely evening,
When you were back in our city searching for company,
Only to find this lonely bitter soul whose heart has been broken to pieces that she can no longer fathom this puzzle,
Hoping you'd somehow help her figure out where the bits belong,
But that's the thing babe,
You never wanted to be a part of anyone but yourself even though you insist that I'm the one you need in your life,
Except maybe not right now,
For I'm slowly rotting away waiting for my time to pass,
And you've got a long journey ahead,
Winding through endless possibilities of romance and newfound fame in the company of young lovely bones,
Spoiled for choices you constantly take me for granted telling me I over-think when all I ask for is your honesty,
And a little bit of trust to let me in;

Now, tell me, do you still want to talk about love with me,
Or are you leaving already?

@byizn

Soft words that fall into the space, just outside delicious blood red lips
When you say my name, you will never feel how my lonely heart skips
Remember your spoken words, how my eyes were fixed solely on you?
Did you ever think to ask yourself , who it is you were really talking to?
I catch my breath after you stole it way, leaving my lungs so absent of air
I lay slain in your field of blue, hopelessly lost in your words somewhere
I tried so many times to tell you how I feel, my spoken words always fail
My words are just like a blind man, searching through volumes of braille
Your eyes saw right through me, and held me captive on through the night
I wonder if you ever knew, that it was a single moment of love at first sight

I left a trail of breadcrumbs for your lips to find
but they were hungry for something I couldn’t create.
I was hiding in a place that wasn’t hard to find
and I just,
I just wanted someone to take the bait.
But when the time came that you caught me there wasn’t champagne, there wasn't bouquets- no.
I looked behind to tag you back but you were already ten steps in the other way.
And to me this was play
but to you it was probably just a game.
We were a picture that couldn’t fit into any frame
or a fire that couldn’t be contained, it was all the same.
Just like the very place you called pleasure became the same room I called pain.

I spent my entire life chasing shooting stars
thinking that I could make all my wishes come true,
stopping my feet here and there just to then try and
catch my breath.
I was always chasing but never very good at pacing.
I got battles with my mind erasing while my heart keeps retracing
and in that time
on the assembly line
they smacked me with a sticker that said, “Replacing”.

You see I was born with fingers that were small and stubby,
stretching out trying to grab the answers I would always come up short on.
My heart’s been known to skip beats but sometimes as it skips,
it gets caught on something and trips
head over heals down a black hole that swallows then spits
me into another time and place where you are stripped;
from sight misplace, but I still chase
because no one ever taught me how to land in space.

And if you took my legs I would crawl through wet concrete,
and if you took my arms I would roll to a mountain peak,
and if my body is taken this heart would still beat
because when you left that home
you forgot to turn off the radio
so all of our songs still play on repeat,
you can hear them through the walls and down my streets
where everyone else still hears it too
but I,
I was the idiot for giving my only set of keys to you.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to close gaps
that I probably had no business closing in the first place.
But even if I’m not the one who wins the race,
or finds the foot this glass slipper longs to embrace,
or catches a shooting star flying in cold space
I know that being here is better than being there,
that living today is better than dying tomorrow,
and even if,
even if these tiny talking hands never get a reply
that it sure beat the hell out of never giving it a try.

Sometimes on the hardest of days,
I bear nothing but the softest thoughts of you.
Thoughts so rousing, they send adrenaline speeding down my highways,
stopping for nothing until every inch of me melts.
This isn’t your average fight or flight;
it's a fight that's for you, and a flight that's with you
to a place where the birds and the bees can't even reach.
For most, my heart can be a stone wall surrounded by a backbiting moat,
but somehow when you bring yourself to it,
the draw bridge gives way to you every time.
It’s frustrating; I have no control over what my heart desires,
but for some reason, it chose you the moment yours played hopscotch with mine.
Skipping beats is only the tip of the iceberg:
I could bleed out my entire fountain of youth if that’s what it takes.
And yeah, if you scale it up to the waters of the world,
my fountain will make only a single drop,
but I’ll be ****** if that drop doesn’t pass through
all the flaming hoops it takes to land on your lips.  
I will make sure that you never forget the taste,
and the ripples it forms shall never lie still in you.
Ripples that in time will manifest into incredible waves
that will alter the very ones your mind creates.
It’s said that the brain waves of love and insanity are identical to one another,
and it just so happens I have a longboard that can fit the both of us.
I’ve never been that great at love, but I’ve always been the best at insanity,
and if you ever lose your balance,
my hands will always catch you before you’re ever out of reach.
So what are you waiting for? The water’s fine.
So paddle on over to a place I like to call "existence",
and let’s ride the swell of this swollen heart.

I wish I had the courage to talk to pretty girls.
It’s not them; it’s their cold beauty that makes
my fingers shiver, and rejection that makes me
feel like I’m a white lighter that strikes out
nothing more than sparks.

I wish I had the courage to not take **** from
my superiors and remind them that when you
beat the life out of a man, you had better cut a deal
with Death if you plan to let him stand back up.

I wish I had the courage to rise above peer
pressure and see that a bulletproof vest isn’t so
dumb when you realize that the person you take
a bullet, for was actually the one who loaded the gun.  

I wish I had the courage to tell you that your ****
looked HUGE in those jeans,
and I wanted to burn every other pair you owned.

I wish I had the courage to get out of bed every
morning, because sometimes I forget that I’m
actually still alive, and my blinds keep hiding the
fact that this world is made of sugar.

I wish I had the courage to be vulnerable again
but trust is a treasure someone stole from my heart,
left a bag of sand in its place, and took off running.

I wish I had the courage to ask for help because I’m
not the sharpest cheddar in the fridge and I was born
with a head that could break down brick walls.

I wish I had the courage to own a snake but I was
brought up Catholic so I am conditioned to fearing
both the Devil and God.

I wish I had the courage to keep my commitments
so when the people I love open my promise box,
they actually find something inside.

I wish I had the courage to let go of the past
and get past the point of letting go.

I wish I had to courage to speak at your funeral . . .
but I’ve never been the fastest to pick up the pieces, and even when I do I always put them in the wrong place, so **** it. I filed down the jigsaw edges so now all I have to do is connect the dots, but every time I do, all I get are silhouettes of you; us. I see your face in a day more than I see faces in a week. It’s the reason I stand at the edge of rooftops, the reason all my mirrors are broken, the reason I wake up with my face floating in a pool. I wrote a paper this morning titled, “To Do Today:” It's crumpled somewhere on the floor because the only thing I’m really going

To Do Today:

-is miss you.