You find yourself from discovering the things you are not.

you are not what they call you.
you are what you call yourself.
you are not the things you failed at.
you are the lessons you learn from your experiences.
you are not the brands you wear.
you are the things you read to inform yourself.
you are not the circumstances you were born into.
you are what you make of your circumstances.
you are not depression, anxiety or eating disorder.
you are the every inch of the smile you wear despite that struggle.
you are not the people who left you behind.
you are the person you choose to become when they are gone.
you are not the ideals society imposes upon you.
you are the truth you honor despite what they tell you.
you are not the rubble they discarded.
you are the empire you built from the ruins they left behind.

Arms to hold us up
when our legs buckle
from under us
and lips to kiss us
good morning.

As a writer, I learned to dance with
my demons at the typewriter,
and poetry is the song
of the struggle that ended
in an entwined embrace.

To understand,
the different dimensions
that tortures one's soul;
is the reason why I write.
That is the reason for my existence.
That is what freedom means to me.

I write not because i seek your truth,
i just do - for someone who seeks
understanding in all the doors we see.

I write not because i seek your pity,
i just do - for someone who seeks
understanding in all tough roads we
go through.

I write not because this is a job,
i just do - for someone who seeks
relief to the burden he has not
spoken out loud.

© pax

I saw you at the first sight
more bright than starlight
my heart and mind are fight
are you a knight?
or a prince who riding a horse at that night
but it's a right

they are my famiglia
they are italian, polish and maltese,
probably a lot of other things too
we're basically mutts
there are five of us, if you include the dog
they are the best

there's my mom;
i call her "ma" or "woman" or "mom" or "mama" or "rochelle", if i want to irritate her
she's the best cook in the world
she always calls me her "bambina"
and sings me songs and writes me cute notes
she's my best friend and biggest fan (sorry dad)
i'm convinced she can read my mind,
even when i'm 2 1/2 hours away, she can tell when something's wrong
she's the best mom in the world

and then, there's my dad;
i call him "dad" or "daddy" or "bob" because he doesn't seem to care
he's hilarious and actually tells good dad jokes
he loves talking about
government conspiracies and
new health trends he's trying
he calls my mom just to say "i love you" and buys me flowers on valentine's day because "i want you to know what a man should do for you one day"
he's so great, i hope i marry a man like bob one day

and there's my brother;
i call him "bro" or "broski" or usually just, "bobby"
he loves me with all his heart
but cannot hug me
because his ocd clouds his mind
he's funny and loves the oldies
he also loves trips to chipotle with me
he won't tell me about girls
because "you'll tell mom," but will talk to me about everything else
gosh i love him with all my heart too

and there's my dog;
who we all call "boo" and sometimes i call him some random nickname
he's so cute, but super vicious
one minute he'll be curled up in-between your legs and the next?
he's attacking you and biting you in the lip
he's scared of thunderstorms and fireworks and people, really he's scared of everything
he's not perfect, but he loves me and i love him

and then, there's me;
they call me "dee-dee" or "aubs" or plain old, "aubrey"
i'm the first born pain in the ****,
who's dream is to marry a nice christian man, own a cafe, adopt children, have children, and just have a great family
currently, i'm in college, missing my great family
my current dream would be, sitting on the couch with my dog on my lap, my mom cooking in the kitchen, my dad hanging out in the garage building something cool, and my brother playing video games and complaining about me taking over the bathroom we share.

can you tell i miss them?
can you tell i love them?

What if I thanked you for this,
Half a lifetime of free bliss,
What if I thanked you for our fusion,
A soul mate in our communion,
What if I thanked your aura, dude,
So healing my broken heart, your attitude,
Such an atmosphere, so golden and stellar,
You're a really lovely fellow,
So I write to my love in a letter,
I wish I could express it better.....

Right now,
I believe I have no name.
Right now,
I could probably write a 351 page book on how I am nothing —
on how we are all nothing —
and pass as very intelligent,
very entitled psychologist
who knows so much more than you.

You know those questions that you get
Like why is the sky blue?
The ones you can not answer,
But, try to pass off that you do,

Well I had one the other day,
What if we had a chance to feel what the person next to us does?
We'd touch each other without a word to say,
It'd be beautiful with no trigger or cause,

There'd be no need for gestures,
Coz our minds would be in the same place,
There'd be nothing to hold us,
There'd be no need to seize that perfect chance,

I don't know..

I just can't seem to help myself,
I wear my heart for all to see,
May be your my "someone else"
The one who feels just like me,