"there is this mystery about me"

I wear two layers of skin
to protect myself
from the taints of his hand
on my curve-less
silky skin.

The thickness of my skin
is not just food
it’s a mixture of
pain and fear.

Fear of being touched
forced me
to hide the real me
and paint myself
in dark colours.

The fat I wear
is not a mistake
it’s my choice.

When he touched me
he told me
“don’t tease me by being beautiful”
so I decided beautiful isn’t
meant for me.

I covered myself
with a layer of doubt
then I wrapped up
a layer of dust
along with a layer of
self doubt and fat.

And this all
turned me
into a chubby
undesirable person.

There are different people
living in
one soul.
They know they
need to share
if they want to live their
separate
lives
but
they all still have one of their own.
One.
can't stop breaking her heart.
Two.
can't feel empathy or pain.
Three.
can't deal with reality.
Four.
thinks we're all insane.
Sometimes
they battle
for dominance.
There are some
I know will always lose.
There are ones
that would perish without the
other.
There are some
that never cease their fire.
and others
that drift about unknown.
Five.
Thinks nobody else can judge her.
Six.
Thinks she's suffering alone.
Seven.
Is afraid of society,
and she needs Five
because she's brittle as bone.
Eight.
knows she's ******* crazy
and that she'll
never
be
left
alone.