You took my soul with you when you left
You had lost yours so you borrowed mine
apparently.
Now I’m just an empty shell
The sweet nut taken out and treasured
And the crackled shell left to disintegrate.
My body decomposing,
I walk around becoming a zombie,
filled to the brim with anxieties and lost hope
lost hope for a future with you
because there was so much more we were supposed to do
but of course you took your heart and soul with you when you left this earth,
and decided to take mine too.

Is a common turtle really different from a crab?
They both make their ways slowly, across the dirt and sand.
The mouth and claw don't differ much in ways they're used to grab.
Could a common turtle really be a green-shelled crab?

when I talk to you
it feels like
I'm talking to
a shell
of a person

lead me into your presence Lord.
use the real me.
i give you this shell LORD!!
Take this hollow, fake, ritualistic shell i have!
use the REAL me!
enough of the lies, the hate, the anger, the stress, the anxiety, the distractions, the rituals, the repetitions!!!

break this shell, and i PRAY IN YOUR NAME, that it would never, NEVER come back!!!!
i am tired of this fake me.
this ritualistic me.

use me.
the real me.
mold me.
the real me.
not the shell.
not the shell that made that space for the voices to fill in like the spaces in Russian dolls.
no, not ever.

i laugh, i joke, i play around
the busy days are the reason why i'm around
the days of working, fighting, staying up late
those busy days that keep me awake

i smile, i talk, i hold back my frown
the busy hour is what keeps me down
the hour that i don't have to face myself
that busy hour that i can fill my hollow shell

but the time comes when i'm no longer busy
my loneliness is the only thing that stays with me
that time that i turn into a void of nothingness
when it's only me, my sorrow and my emptiness

I am an empty shell
but,
I am full of happiness
I protect my loved ones.
That makes me happy.
That's all I feel but it will soon disappear.
Don't cry carry on for me.

love, how is work
i made some **** pancakes
to my spotify workout playlist
now im tired and hungry
sick of this routine

Love, switch it up!
Do some yoga in the garden
sipping lime balm tea.
You can make tinctures out of ginger to soothe away your misery.

i will wait for this to pass
because i don’t want to wake
so why can’t i dream?

Dream of reading poetry in secret gardens
Make that garden
Keep that secret
in a shell from the ocean
Place that shell
by your bedside
Wake up by your dream...