lead me into your presence Lord.
use the real me.
i give you this shell LORD!!
Take this hollow, fake, ritualistic shell i have!
use the REAL me!
enough of the lies, the hate, the anger, the stress, the anxiety, the distractions, the rituals, the repetitions!!!

break this shell, and i PRAY IN YOUR NAME, that it would never, NEVER come back!!!!
i am tired of this fake me.
this ritualistic me.

use me.
the real me.
mold me.
the real me.
not the shell.
not the shell that made that space for the voices to fill in like the spaces in Russian dolls.
no, not ever.

i laugh, i joke, i play around
the busy days are the reason why i'm around
the days of working, fighting, staying up late
those busy days that keep me awake

i smile, i talk, i hold back my frown
the busy hour is what keeps me down
the hour that i don't have to face myself
that busy hour that i can fill my hollow shell

but the time comes when i'm no longer busy
my loneliness is the only thing that stays with me
that time that i turn into a void of nothingness
when it's only me, my sorrow and my emptiness

I am an empty shell
but,
I am full of happiness
I protect my loved ones.
That makes me happy.
That's all I feel but it will soon disappear.
Don't cry carry on for me.

love, how is work
i made some **** pancakes
to my spotify workout playlist
now im tired and hungry
sick of this routine

Love, switch it up!
Do some yoga in the garden
sipping lime balm tea.
You can make tinctures out of ginger to soothe away your misery.

i will wait for this to pass
because i don’t want to wake
so why can’t i dream?

Dream of reading poetry in secret gardens
Make that garden
Keep that secret
in a shell from the ocean
Place that shell
by your bedside
Wake up by your dream...

Come closer honey,
Listen to my heartbeats
yearning for you,
Like the sound of the ocean in a conch shell.
Come closer sweetheart,
Read our love story,
Etched in lines and shading,
Along the seashore of my body skin.
Come closer baby,
Feel how my breaths gasp and fall,
As ocean waves,
I, a windsurfer trying my best to hold on.
As much as you have made me burn in the raging fire of  my love for you,
I wish you to roast with me in the inferno.
If it had been a stranger I would have desired the same,
But, you are my love,
How can I?