It will never be the same.
Ill never look at it the same.
Ill never pull on the grass and dig in the dirt like i used to,
ill never sit there again,
ill never walk through it again,
even if its for the better.

I behave like a baby many hours of the day
Please believe I don't decide to be this way
Someday ill learn to stifle my tears
The sogginess blurring my eyes will clear
When fleeing fears
Run straight into a wall
Instead of arms so I end up on the concrete and crawl
And there I ponder the cause of our confrontations
Looking for obstacle blocking negotiation
Both our lungs breathing in identical air
Clouds of smoke stop from witnessing what's really there
And I am blinded I am afraid to admit
I am lost with clenched jaw refuse to submit
But little by little realize I'm in the wrong
Too stubborn to surrender I stagger along
Eventually begin losing hope of finding our way back
You grab the reins and somehow steer us on the right track
Sometimes touch your surface and my fingers melt through skin
Can't tell if a nightmare or a dream we're living in
I would give any belongings for us to have a fresh start
Careless and free
No wounds on your heart
In blue hues created I tread water so deep
Listen for answers but hear no peep
Earth on axis keeps spinning around
Days passing quickly I lie on the ground
I'm afraid to move too fast so I end up standing still
I feel the person you desire wears shoes I cannot fill
Your warmth a blessing that I truly don't deserve
Putting sun in my sky but what purpose do I serve?
Your magnificence reminder of everything I'm not
So busy drowning in sorrows can't consider the good I've got
Can't imagine a world without watching your smile
Yet I take it for granted by acting hostile
I long to unfold like a paper plane
Flatten folds so I can translate contents of your brain
If I could press a button I'd erase all your concern
A blank slate is impossible so trust I must gradually earn
So I'll write words on pages until you finally agree
You are the only one with the privilege of having me
It is my wish you open your door
Disarm your defenses protecting your core
I know in absence the nights can seem long
Will never break because connection is strong
You take up a large portion of my head
Sometimes don't call just thinking about you instead
Thanks for existing and even more for being there
There are moments I weep over statements said but I never doubt you care
You are simply trying to share wisdom with advice
How you express cannot always be positive and nice
But daily impact you have on my routine
Bigger than you are aware of
Though results are rarely seen
You are refuge from the storm when it rains too severely to stand
Shelter to protect my safety though why I will never understand
Our souls balance like yin-and-yang
I am shade
You are white light
Struggles threaten us
You pull me close and I'm sure everything will be alright

letters from your shadow
letting you know what you're missing
by your side always watching
a fly on the wall stitched to your being
an invisible half never fleeting
even at night when you're sleeping
there it stays ; awake never dreaming
look carefully at what the shade knows
and let your mind become
one and whole