Guilt trip as his ***** slipped inside of me
Instant pleasure cause it's been so long
But somehow my conscious said it was wrong
If Adultery was a crime
I would serve a life sentence
As his lips touch my mouth, my breast, and my other set of lips
This rush
The excitement of it all
I took a pause and told him to stop
How could I do this to you
Silence as I drove home
When my car parked
I had to come to the realization that I'm not even your girl

The only motherly thing I knew
was the coldness of my blade;
gently washing away the
sadness of my burdened heart

This morning,
I’ve shed the heaviest tear
after twenty-one years
of deadly silence

She forced me to pray for a god
that never answered my prayers

When I told her that I wish to die,
she told me to recite Al-Ikhlāṣ

In her own eyes,
I was a sinner who didn’t worship
the same imaginary friend as hers

An imaginary friend that let her
steal my innocence instead of saving me
from her cruel hands and piercing eyes

How can I worship a god that
didn’t listen to my desperate cries
when I was abused,
abandoned, and bruised

I'm a cannibal, consuming the flesh of my past
Taking back what was once attached
I'm not going to be the submissive, quiet kid I used to be
I've grown and I'm stronger now, you can't control me

I'm not a victim of your stupidity to get a laugh and some masculinity
I've been busy, and I'm not looking for sympathy
Your hands will never touch me again
You will not get under my skin

I hear things are going well for you, Joey
But your mom and her protection can't stop you from growing lonely
The more people you hurt, the worse it gets for you
That guilt will one day run you through

Tyler, you were always way too protected, with your mom being a teacher at school
And you always thought you were so cool with your copy of the schools keys, you used to "rule"
I could never seem to escape you, but now you are on your own
And you should have known that someday someone would pull the rug out from under your throne

You were so mighty, Nick, with a mom to go handle all your problems
And you certainly took advantage when you were filled with all that self-importance
And when your mom asked where you were, you lied and said it was my fault
Because I just really wanted to add to my list of tramua's ****** assualt

I wasn't cute, I wasn't charming, I wasn't overly girly, but I was weak and "easy"
Of course it's easy to overpower someone if you are big and sneaky
I never had someone to protect me, like Nick, Tyler, and Joey's moms
And I never had someone who'd believe me when I finally took down my walls

I was always different from the other kids, and family wasn't going to help
Who would believe me, over a popular straight A student; for me it was a dead end
No one believes me, I am not good enough, not important enough, to be given attention
But I won't stop working, trying to prove myself, until I am seen as good enough, without question

I am not anyone's plaything anymore, I am my own person
I am not an outlet for your sick *******
I am a being with thoughts and I'm not as easy to control as I used to be
I will bring you down with me

Dear diary;
I need something
stronger than an ******-
something that really rattles the bones
and shakes me to the core
of my soul.

I struggle to click the keys, watching the cursor blink. Everything in me feels heavy. I feel you crawling around inside my bones. I've asked you to leave hundreds of times. But you stay in my head and ignore my wishes. You ruined another good day. I feel myself trying to reject you from my thoughts, but the more I try the more I think about it. I feel myself tense. I feel my body grow tired. I don't wanna fight. I don't wanna think. I don't want it. I don't want you. I find it kind of ironic that it's been a decade and we still play that game- where you don't know. You don't know about that one day. I'm stuck here picking up the pieces you dropped since then. *******. I wish you knew how much pain you cause. You were supposed to hug all my pain away, but this pain you created can't be tamed.

From when I first awake,
Till when I close my eyes.
The first thought is of you,
Holding me close by.
I dream of your touch
I long for your taste,
Your silken skin and warm embrace.

Burning passions never-ending,
Keep lit the souls hearth.
Embers flaring. a deep shade of red
Sparks ignite,
Full of carnal delights.