Over the  mountains along the winding road
Crossing the distance
To the people of my heart
To hug you
To look into your  eyes
As you share your tales
Of challenges and joys.
I may not be there physically.
Yet I am with you
Always in  Spirit.
<3 u 8

their separation

was it 2nd grade, or maybe third?
was it the arguments, or maybe the new war?
was it the bad words, or perhaps the loud ones?

you involved a 3rd side, to a two-sided commitment.

why?

because you got tired after what?
17 years of fighting?

was that what forever meant to you?
17 years and a couple of months?
or did you think we weren’t worth fighting for?

was it a thrown away ring, or maybe you threw away the whole marriage?
it explains why you love running so much.
since instead of walking by our side, you ran away.

but I wonder, 10 years ago
were my tears not enough to keep u in such a commitment?
were my letters every night not enough of a reminder?
of how much love I had for you and my mother?

did that not have any impact on you? or was the package too good to refuse?
better than seeing my sister & I grow in front of your eyes,
better than being there for the family, that your majesty created.

it’s a little funny, you know?
10 years later, and I still
tear up thinking about you sleeping with a woman,
who doesn’t hold my mother’s name, features nor kindness.

I feel weak, yet strong because I have both of you.
empty, yet full because I hold your name. after mine.
poor, yet rich by knowing you will always be there for her.
broken, yet collected because I know your name
doesn’t leave her prayers.

I love you & I always will.
I love her & I will forever do.
beyond your decisions, and failures.
by forever & always,

I don’t mean 17 years like you did.
because I’m seventeen writing this, and I can assure you
I’m not halfway done loving you, nor your imperfections.

by forever & always,
I don’t mean I will look for a replacement when it gets tough.
I don’t mean running away when it gets overwhelming.

because believe it or not.

I can love better than you, because of you.

because I learned when to be like you, and
when to be the opposite of you.

I would like to finish this by saying,

I will never stop writing about your failure,
not to criticize your life or your emotions. I would never.
but to simply show that love CAN come out of such broken souls.
fullness CAN come out of such massive sacrifices.
grace CAN come out of such anger.

with unjudgemental love,
your 17-year-old daughter. **

It breathes memories into my charcoaled lungs
The calluses on my palms
The ever lingering self doubt following my every step
Its heart beats in the herb garden on my balcony
Pulses through my broken alabaster skin
And quakes in the grooves of my cracked ribcage
It sleeps on the folded fitted sheets in my cabinet
Stirring restlessly at the smell of stale beer and fresh tobacco
It awakens with a jolt whenever it smells blood
Its stretching into my pinned back colony hair
Weaving its way through the secret stories
Into eardrums saying "you must **** yourself to get out"
This ghost of my family
Whispering commands into my ears
I am only now hearing it's voice
Because I always believed it was mine
This goodbye is not reconciliation with the voices
It is a resurrection of my own.

you were here and gone so fast
it felt too soon but your presence calmed me
the second you left I felt distressed
my heart was drug behind you
when you walked away
I wanted to follow and cling to you
and never let you go
you ease my mind and I forget my pain
every single second I’m with you
I’m lost, helpless and afraid without you
when I leave you it’s a struggle
my mind shuts down and I panic
the world caves in and I can’t breathe
I want to be in your arms again
I need to feel you beside me again