was it 2nd grade, or maybe third?
was it the arguments, or maybe the new war?
was it the bad words, or perhaps the loud ones?
you involved a 3rd side, to a two-sided commitment.
because you got tired after what?
17 years of fighting?
was that what forever meant to you?
17 years and a couple of months?
or did you think we weren’t worth fighting for?
was it a thrown away ring, or maybe you threw away the whole marriage?
it explains why you love running so much.
since instead of walking by our side, you ran away.
but I wonder, 10 years ago
were my tears not enough to keep u in such a commitment?
were my letters every night not enough of a reminder?
of how much love I had for you and my mother?
did that not have any impact on you? or was the package too good to refuse?
better than seeing my sister & I grow in front of your eyes,
better than being there for the family, that your majesty created.
it’s a little funny, you know?
10 years later, and I still
tear up thinking about you sleeping with a woman,
who doesn’t hold my mother’s name, features nor kindness.
I feel weak, yet strong because I have both of you.
empty, yet full because I hold your name. after mine.
poor, yet rich by knowing you will always be there for her.
broken, yet collected because I know your name
doesn’t leave her prayers.
I love you & I always will.
I love her & I will forever do.
beyond your decisions, and failures.
by forever & always,
I don’t mean 17 years like you did.
because I’m seventeen writing this, and I can assure you
I’m not halfway done loving you, nor your imperfections.
by forever & always,
I don’t mean I will look for a replacement when it gets tough.
I don’t mean running away when it gets overwhelming.
because believe it or not.
I can love better than you, because of you.
because I learned when to be like you, and
when to be the opposite of you.
I would like to finish this by saying,
I will never stop writing about your failure,
not to criticize your life or your emotions. I would never.
but to simply show that love CAN come out of such broken souls.
fullness CAN come out of such massive sacrifices.
grace CAN come out of such anger.
with unjudgemental love,
your 17-year-old daughter. **
written with love & anger.