Daniela Dec 2018
I stare at my blank notebook trying to put down the things my heart feels, only to realize I can't. This sadness,disappointment.. where and how do I begin?

My best moments were with you,always. How I wish we were there again. The flashbacks come and go like fireworks in the night. Ones when I was in your car looking up at the sky to look at birds. The one of us in the darkness of the night looking at the sea and stars...

To think I loved you for everything you were;for everything you are...
I became you in those days. I absorbed you like the rays from the sun. I lost myself to you,to be everything you needed. I was your shadow.
And like the shadow I stayed behind.

But seeing you slowly back away from me broke my heart to pieces. All the while I told myself I was okay, that I knew all along.
That it was too good to be true.
Frustrated I cursed at the wind and hoped that you somehow heard me. That you would feel what I feel. That you knew what true love looked like.

I see it clearly that you never deserved me.
Never loved me.
Never saw the real me.
You will NEVER see the adoration I had for you. And how I would've gave you the world on a platter in exchange for your sincerest love and affection.
And now you will not see not hear from me again. Exactly like the way it was in the beginning.
Daniela Nov 2018
The mask comes undone.
Once and for all; the rhinestone covered face breaks. Tiny pieces of glass, falling.

And behind it was a face that no one had seen. One that no one would've imagined.
How could such a beautifully painted smile lie in pieces now?
As this fragile girl stood crying. A wave of sadness overtook the atmosphere. And suddenly they knew her suffering had become too much. They saw the heartbreak in her eyes, and the scars on her body that never healed.
Feedback welcome please, I feel like this is unfinished but if you guys like it as is I'll keep it
If not I'll either get rid of it or add onto it:).  Currently feeling defeated.. just needed to get some feelings out. Hopefully everyone is well
Daniela Sep 2018
No one ever asked her if she was okay.
She was the one they could go for when they needed help.
No one ever thought about her problems..
How would they know she hid them so well...

She always had a smile, and made everyone laugh. She was the sun, the epitome of silly and kind.
But as cliché as it was she was also the one who hurt the most.

The emotions bottled up, the issues she heard from everyone else almost felt like hers. The weight of being everyone's hero she barely had time to deal with her own..
Put them away she said, your friends need you. But on this day it was too much. Everything she'd repressed came to light she was miserable she was completely exhausted.
Energy lost.
Hope gone.
The will to help was non existent.

They had taken all her energy and left an empty carcass that once was a smiling and actually happy girl. And who was there to be her hero?


No one. Not a soul. She was left all alone in the darkness in the shadows of her friends and family. Because without her they were nothing.
Daniela Sep 2018
One small thing, that's all it is.
One small thing to ruin the happiness I've built.
One small comment to make the water fall from my eyes.
The silliest things, the tiniest hint of hostility. Causes so much pain..

I look down to where my scars used to be. My wrists a sensation begins almost like a tickle. This feels so familiar.
And I can picture the little red lines. Like tally marks.
One for last week,one for yesterday. One for today.

In my mind I know these thoughts are harmful. Dangerous.
I've worked on this.
I learned to ignore it.
My mind says no, but will I really take the blade and tally up the score?

What's the worst that could happen?
After all it's just one.small.thing.
If you have feedback please comment, as this was done rushed. And I needed to get some feelings out. Also name suggestions are welcome(:
Daniela Jun 2018
10mgs,
20mgs.
One,two,three.. day after day.
All just to keep this artificial smile on display.
Days drag out and the little stars that twinkled in our eyes now replaced by black holes.
Our soulless bodies sinking like broken bottles in the ocean.
The happy memories that haunted our minds nearly gone, the goosebumps we got when we remembered our first kiss are no more. Bodies numb.
This feeling,this curse; inevitable.
Every child born after condemned to a lifetime of synthetic happiness.
In capsules of sea foam green,and custard yellow. To be taken like our favorite candy.
The amount being consumed will become ungodly leaving hollowed shells and the walls to talk to.
Only the last glimmer of light in your pretty little head can save you.
Every memory.
Every emotion colliding like a kaleidescope of color.
The thoughts of him,thoughts of her.
The voices...
Another simulation complete.
Daniela May 2018
I was not your sun,nor your moon.
You were the galaxy that I was mesmerized by.
Every color,every star, and asteroid that made you who you were; I knew like the back of my hand.
I counted all the planet's that surrounded your heart.
The shooting stars that made up your eyes and how brightly they twinkled when you spoke.
I named every comet that made you smile, and all the constellations that appeared on your skin.

Light years away, but even so I could see you.
Although never close enough to be apart of you. I was the void.
The one no one wanted to talk about.
I swallowed everything up to be like you yet I was nothing.
I had no moons and no stars.

All my gravitational pull wasn't strong enough to make you mine, but even then would we really be one?

Where a star once burned now remained a black hole. The light was gone.
I no longer shone.
I was invisible.
Daniela May 2018
Like a mad man thoughts go through my head like swarming wasps. Every single emotion stinging worse than the one before.
You're not mine,but in my head you are.
So everything you do is vital, everything you are is exactly who I try to be.
Just so you'll notice me, so you'll want me..
To you it's obession,
To you it's jealousy,
But at what point does love turn into toxicity..
This is all I have to offer; this is all I know how to give.
This love is too much for the both of us.
Will you ever let me love you the way I envision every night?
Or will you keep me in this ****** zone of "what ifs","maybe", and uncertainty...
You're killing me and yet you make me feel truly loved...
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