#selfhatred poems on Hello Poetry

E McNamara Apr 2018

I scream at her.
I tell her she's ugly
And too loyal,
That she doesn't work hard enough.
She is not enough.
She is nothing.
I wail at her
That she is too open,
Too soft,
Too forgiving.
That everything she gets
She deserves.
I scream awful tears and hit her.
She shatters-
I stare at my bloodied hands and broken mirror.
I am nothing.

Part 2 will be about gaining confidence. :)

#selfhatred #workingonit #mirror #wail #ugly #deserve #hands #bloodied #iam

empty seas Mar 2018

an almost-true story

once upon a time
there was a girl
her hair was made of greasy threads
and her face was a horror onto itself
she scribbled on all her mirrors
trying to deny the monster she was
fake smiles and baggy clothes
locking herself in her isolated tower

then

she was told she talked too much
the flowers that flowed from her mouth shriveled
the light in her eyes would quickly die
she stitched her mouth closed multiple times
sometimes breaking free to rant, then cry
bleeding and stitching
bleeding and stitching
the repetition became a comfort by itself
every time she slipped up
it was the same
bleeding and stitching
a punishment she wished only on herself

once people began leaving her
for one reason or another
her mouth said "it's okay I understand"
but her head said it's all your fault
the ugly, idiot girl
ran away from her problems the best she could
stitching and itching
her arms became a red mess
she isolated and contemplated
who was going to leave her next

she loved and wanted
but kept hidden away
blaming every lost friend, every breakup
on her horrendous face and annoying personality

she hated her self-pity almost as much as herself
no man or woman would save her now
she was the only knight she had
and saving herself was too much of a privilege to grant
to such a mistake as her

so here we stand
this girl wasting away
don't pity her
she deserves it
it will probably always be this way

This is just an entire self-pity poem and I hate it so much, I might take it down later. But, oh well, I might as well put up this total crap rant piece.

#selfpity #selfhatred #story #ugly #monster #sorry #hatred

Ray T Mar 2018

The First Time

If I told anyone I was *****, they wouldn’t believe me
I live in a world that preaches against hypothetical violence but when that **** comes into your life, everyone pushes it away.
I remember, no I don’t remember, I can barely remember his name.
I think it started with a “C”.
I think he was from Minnesota.
I think we were on a sixteen hour flight.
I think he smiled at me.
I think I smiled back, because why the **** wouldn’t I.
I think he took that as a green light.
I think I shut my eyes to try and sleep.
I think he took that as a green light.
I am fifteen.
I think too little of his advances and trust society enough for me to rest.
I know that was a mistake.
I know I woke up to a blanket around me that wasn’t there before.
I know I woke up to his palm pressed in my pants.
I know I woke up screaming.
I know I couldn’t open my mouth.
I know I was screaming.
I know my mother was on that same plane three rows back.
I was fifteen.

I told my friends and they never believed me.
I haven’t told a soul since.
Why did he walk away from that unscratched while I have been carrying it around like a dead animal for three years?
Why do men think they can own what they can see?
Let me tell you what I can see:
Five people who asked me why I didn’t fight back.
Four people that were sitting around me and claimed to see him putting the cover on me, yet did nothing.
Three of his friends I saw later on the trip who praised him for what he accomplished upon seeing what I looked like.
Two eyes in the mirror that cry almost everyday.
And one crack in that same mirror that will never go away.

Thank you all for your responses. This feels so amazing to let it all out in my words. This is about my first experience.

#testimony #**** #selfhatred #frustration #screaming #silent #distrust #society #unwanted #mistakes

Rebecca Sorenson Mar 2018

A Mask, A Screen

Sounds of static,
fill my head,
a constant buzzing,
a growing dread

Cheerful laughs,
gloomy smiles,
anxiety and depression,
building piles

A mask, I wear,
to hide the old me,
few have met him,
few have the key

I hate myself,
though no one knows,
they only see my screen,
a happy face shows

I’m ashamed of who I am,
and the mask that I wear,
the things that I’ve done,
and the things that I’ve shared

No one can see my pain,
and honestly, I’m okay with that,
no one needs to worry,
to think I’m but a spoiled brat

My mask is my lore,
my mind, impaired,
my heart, fractured,
but I’m okay, I swear

#depression #anxiety #selfhatred #deep #dark #pain #masks #shame #hatred

Ally Gottesman Feb 2018

Star.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Under a spotlight where everyone knew my name...
I was five.

Now, I want shadows and to be as far away as possible.
Hidden and far from consequence,
And even further from myself.
Where my name is not a name,
But just another word without any true meaning.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Now, I want to disappear.

I should have jumped overboard when I had the chance.

#depression #fear #confusion #falling #selfhatred

Zuzanna Feb 2018

It's a shame

That I can only ever write

Poems about myself

#selfhatred #selfishness #poetry

voodoo Feb 2018

confined

Amy speaks to me sometimes,

reminds me of the losing game that I’m playing:

I’ve put in all my coins, gambled all I could call mine

and she shakes her head but keeps her silence.

There are no rules, she knows this

it’s all in or nothing,

and she watches me give everything.

I resurrect every ghost to make me bleed,

and tear open this skin for meaning,

but what is the value of hollowed bones and haunted dreams?

How many revolutions until your words lose your voice?

How many revolutions until the sun burns my hands away from your eyes

so you can finally see the light?

I lost the heart in a wager for yours

only to return with empty palms

and another phantom shackled in the mind

that patrols the lock-up, and the whip comes down

at every clink of ball-and-chain – no prisoner stands a chance to escape.

How odd that every lash on the prisoner,

you’ll find on my wrist, on my back, on my neck;

how odd that every movement is a punishment;

how odd that you don’t see the manacles

I’ve bound myself with.

#prisoner #love #heartbreak #amywinehouse #depression #selfhatred #mentalhealth #loss #punishment #selfloathing

Tøast Feb 2018

Untitled

He wants to be alone, but he knows he'll do something he'll regret in the morning.
He hates every word he says and the thoughts running through the space in his head.
But he doesn't know what to do about it all. He's engulfed in the emptiness,
Suffocated by the space.
He's drowning in the air that's left and I'm crying for help

#depression #deep #anxiety #selfhatred

empty seas Feb 2018

Inner Monologue

scrub scrub
brush brush
you’ll never be perfect
you’re not good enough
no use in wearing makeup
it can’t work miracles
besides
you can barely get out of bed anyway

slip on that sweatshirt
baggy to cover your fat
look at those fat thighs
the flab on those arms
no wonder everyone who loved you has left

fat
ugly
cover yourself up
shorts are a battle
bikinis an impossibility
might as well just give up

body positivity only works for pretty girls
and trust me
you’re not one of them

I don’t like my body

#selfhatred #selfconcious #hatred #fat #ugly #body

empty seas Jan 2018

sometimes

sometimes
i want to
s c r a t c h  m y  s k i n  o f f
peel it off my body
in a desperate attempt
to set free the
self-hatred and anxiety

sometimes
i want to
t a k e  a  k n i f e  t o  m y  f a t
carving it away
shaping my body
into something
that won't disgust me

sometimes
i want to
s t a r t  o v e r
take an unforgiving blade
to the girl i used to be
run away until my lungs burst
and i'm finally set free

#selfhatred #anxiety #selfharm