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R A Pilch Sep 2019
When I thought I was a monster
I was so enraged
I was treated as less than human
I was thrown into a cage
I didn’t know you loved me
I didn’t know what gladness meant
I figured I was just defective
I hated that I was different
When I thought I was a monster

So I acted like a monster
I hated everyone I met
They would never understand me
With that I was content
I didn’t want to be around them
I didn’t want their fairytale
Each time I had tried to grasp it
I continued then to fail
When I thought I was a monster

People saw me as a monster
And the hate turned back on me
Everyone was sick and tired
Of my pride and villainy
They began to band together
Being united by hate
They schemed and worked together
In an attempt to seal my fate
When I thought I was a monster

Someone had to slay the monster
But it wasn’t who you’d think
And it all happened so quickly
You would miss it it if you blinked
Not the mob that band together
It was one who came by stealth
Because when I learned you loved me
I murdered my old self
I was no longer a monster
The story of my depression and self-hate and the way God changed my life and empowered me to slay the beast that haunted me.
Mia Sadoch Sep 2019
My body is a temple
To which I’ve lost the key.
Everyone thinks its outside is wonderful
But I, inside, see how vile it is.

It’s easy to judge beauty
When you’re beholding, and not being.
I feel trapped inside a giant of stone
Unwavering and unbearable.

I want to be vulnerable.
To feel pain, joy, and sorrow.
So why, why?
Why must I remain in this stoic prison?
I've lost sight of what I am. But I know what I am not.
Sabrina Sep 2019
i don't really know why this started
the happy go lucky girl i once was
feared almost nothing
yeah she was glowing
until the darkness came in blowing
blowing out what once was
now who i used to be
is barely inside of me
only the memories of her
remain inside
the pictures will help you remember
i can't love
i can't do anything right
i can't hide
from the demons inside
so all i do is sit
quietly and wait
until they get bored
and dissipate
though it's only temporary
you love me
at least i think
i don't know why you want me
i say i don't like anyone
but why does it make me feel sick to my stomach
thinking of you with anyone else
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but why can't i afford to lose you?
whatever good was left in me
that year
i fear he took it all with him
now all that's left is anger within
self-hatred and fear for letting anyone in
but i think i do love you
you hate him for what he's done to me
so i'm sorry about the demons inside
that simply won't let me be
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but i really can't afford to lose you
i can't do anything right
i don't really wanna die
but i want this bad feeling to go away inside
i'm scared of myself at times
but you hate the fear in my eyes
i don't know why
why, do you want to make me alright?
Vi Sep 2019
The demons they haunt me
Those voices scream in my head
They tell me to pick up that blade

That voice inside my head whispers my life just isn’t meant to be
There will be nothing to dread
Pick up that blade don’t be afraid

I pick it up my hand doesn’t quiver
Maybe it’s a sign because I feel no chills I don’t shiver
I pick it up and move it closer
I wonder If I should have wrote a letter to give my loved one closure

It’s too late now
Drip drip
Empire Aug 2019
Feel depressed
Take time to myself
Get called lazy

Keep busy for them
Not doing enough

Stimulate my system
Now I’m reckless;
Stop
Energy plummets

Lazy again
Forget things...
Lots of things...
Why can’t you remember?
Am I not important to you??

They’re always angry
Never doing enough
Never helpful enough
They are all that matter

Wait.

What about me?

You’re lazy.
You’re not doing enough.
Get up and help.

I can’t.

Yes you can, c’mon.

I. Can’t.

Worthless.

And now

More depressed.
MisfitOfSociety Aug 2019
There it is again,
That old sting.
No drugs, no needles,
Something else going in.

Creeping up on me,
Like lichen up a tree.
Spreading like frost,
Over a bedroom window.
The pain comes fast,
And the death comes slow.

I feel no pulse until,
There is someone else’s blood flowing through.
I wish to deceive you,
I wish to devour you.
I only want you,
To see how long I can bleed you.
I wait until you let me in,
Then I take everything.
I will then abandon you,
Leaving you with nothing.

We’re all dying from an internal fire.
We all feed on one another.
Carnivorously, I consume others to stay alive.
Life feeds on life, this is how we survive.

I stared too far into the abyss,
I dived too deep into it’s depths.
I lost myself to what I found inside,
And it made its home in my mind.

Drop down a ******,
For me to climb into.
Open up my old womb,
And breathe life into the new.

I perish your human sacrifice,
Hoping to relinquish me of this carnivore.
Is it enough to suffice!?
I want to be separate from this animal.
This is how I used to be as a person. Damaging to both myself and others around me. Don’t be stuck in this way of thinking, cleanse yourself and better yourself.
Pluto Jul 2019
My Self love

will be the best love...

...but your love

was the worst drug
For a brief moment in time I fell in lust
But tried to convince myself I'm in love
We frolicked in our absence and presence
of pain and pleasure
I felt the current of our destination drifting us to the middle of the ocean
Where finally only the one who wishes to swim out of the drift
Would need all the strength to swim back to shore

Learn to know the love you need and want
No matter the unintentional desire
Or self destruction will become your best and only construction
William de klerk Jul 2019
With white knuckles wrapped round a wheel
, while I start to steer in a senseless stupor
, so I slowly start  to sink into my subconscious mind.

There I find I'm So sick of silence, that
In a demented dance with my own demons
I ask them why I won't let go of what once was.

"You drink the poison with a passion
, blurring the lines of punishment and pain
So only self hate can remain"

So secretly I shun what I wish to say so
the vestiges of  my valour can rot away in vain,
Like the living corpse that's left with
long lasting lashes as battle scars
I bare as a badge for the broken.

So in fear I flee the tormenting truth
That I now have to hear
As soon it is clear
My own web of lies led me down a road
of Slow and Selfish Demise.
This is the voice of regret acting in ones head when a person is blinded by all that makes them flawed and imperfect, instead of focusing on the good. This is insecurities personified as demented voices that demand you punish yourself.
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