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Hawley Anne Jul 2024
You were terrified to lose him,
so you lost yourself instead.
You kept on being mistreated,
"I'm used to it" was all you said.
You became the girl that when abused simply said "the fault is mine"
You became the girl who knew the truth but still accepted every lie.
Because it became easier,
to keep your thoughts inside.
So you became the girl who cried alone,
then told everyone "I'm fine"
So much from you was taken,
that you had nothing left to give.
So far past your breaking point,
you became the girl without the will to live.
You became so used to being last,
by putting everyone else first.
You became the girl barely in the race,
because you were running it reverse.
Your time and love was wasted,
given to undeserving men.
They only lied; hurt and cheated you
then they left you out for dead.
You were so terrified to lose him,
that you lost yourself instead.
But I wonder if you went back in time,
Would you make the same choice again?
Chelsea Quigley Jul 2024
You are harsh
To yourself.
Why would this be ?
Has life made you doubt
Of the worth that I see ?
We are driven
By others ,
And our brain the driver.
Speeding too fast
From someone no wiser.
Breaking the breaks
When our gas is low.
Others do see ,
Yet nobody shows.

Do you really wish
For them to proceed?
Wrecking your worth
Until you bleed.

But thoughts
Of our own,
Are no others to mould.
Your mind is free
As is your soul.

For the mind it cracks
Under false illusion.

As conclusions of false ,
Are the brains confusions.
The Boy Jul 2024
I’ve divorced the me I am from the me you thought I ought to be.
Now there’s no more space in me for thoughts of you and me.
Sentiments of personal liberation and self discovery.
Garrett Johnson Jul 2024
Next time.
Next Moment.
Next....
Neverminding of ancient words.
Had a love.
Lost a love.
But was it real though?
The long way to the point.
But still not Adequate.
Still have air in my infinite lungs.
But I still wouldn't have it any other way.
Do we feel this way, just to stay the same?
Do we look back to collections of love, in awe, or is it still the same?
Do we make our name?
A-wondering if I could pull back to those moments.

Garrett Johnson.
Nicole Jul 2024
Can you really know me
If you don't know the darkness I've seen?
If you don't understand
Why it's so hard for me to sleep?
Or how I have to fight back tears
When I hear someone yelling?
Can you ever truly see me
If I don't show you what's behind me?
The childhood trauma boxed up neat
Until it spills across the floor of my insides
I keep the doors locked mostly
But locks don't prevent earthquakes
And sometimes, the ground shakes and
Frees memories to pool and suffocate
I've thought about speaking them but
Something inside says it's not bad enough
That no one will understand or see me
They'll just judge me as weak
"I'll give you something to cry about"
Hurled at a traumatized body

I don't want you to see me
Because you could call it sensitivity
And overlook the senseless violence
That comes with surveillance, intimidation
To share this pain is too risky
Because so much of it is crazy-making
I can take a punch no problem
It's the other stuff that broke me deeply
Expectations perfectionistic and unrealistic
Task repetition into sleep deprivation
Fear flooding my system so entirely
I chose to **** myself over interrupting her
Every week she made me grab the scale
No matter the result, I know I'll fail
If I gain weight then I'm lazy trash
A decrease? muscle weighs more than fat
And when she found out that I hated myself
She had the nerve to act confused
Asking if I know that I'm beautiful
Like I should love this body that could only lose.

She controlled everything
From how I wore my hair
To the clothes on my body.
Forced to speed walk around the park
I was so afraid of her and her rage
I never told her people made fun of me.
She made every decision
Not only what I ate
But how much too.
I'd learn to eat fast like she wanted
Trying to finish what she gave me
It didn't matter that it was too much.
Despite my attempts at compliance
I often threw up before I could finish
And she'd scream about that too.

In the mornings at home I'd wait in dread
To see who would come to get me
Whether my mother or she were driving.
With her, the entire ride home
I had to recite Everything I did at home
Starting over at any detail missed.
From snacks to bathroom breaks
Over and over I repeated and forgot
Never able to remember it all like she could.

Sometimes neighbors were concerned
Picking fights, they'd bring me up
With pride she'd say I'm just like her.
From love to hate she'd shift
Moods vacillating so fast
It'd give anyone whiplash.
Once a neighbor reported her for hitting me
But the police knew of neighborhood feuds
No one ever asked me about it.

I learned to move around silently
Rushing to get outside the house
Before she could wake up and yell at me.
She'd scream so close to my face
I'd be showered in her spit
Trying to stop the tears from betraying me.
I'd watch two grown adults fist fighting
Being threatened not to cry
And failing anyway.

A no phone rule meant forced isolation
When I brought my iPod in my backpack
She stole it and never gave it back.
School was solace in those weeks
And I'd try to lose myself in reading
Anything to escape experiencing reality.
Sometimes she sent me to sleep very early
Other nights she kept me up well into the morning
Redoing tasks until she deemed it done right.
Alone in bed at night
I'd stare into the glowing clock
Counting down my time
Consumed by shame
And the deepest desire to die.

So can you really know me if you never see
That this is the history that haunts me
In the face of insanity there is no winning
So what's the point of it being seen?
Ylzm Jul 2024
The heart and mind speak with one tongue
But for those of the rebellion as in days past

For these wars raged within hypocrisy without
Oblivious to themselves their nakedness

Entrenched and encouraged and flattered
Mutually and smilingly profiting and killing

Never knowing heart and mind always fighting
Their unknown demons within always losing

Following their hearts blaming their minds
Self mutilating, self abused, yet self loving

Proud of their filth encrusted grotesqueness
Mistaking for beauty that unseen in the dark
Diane Jul 2024
Finding muscles I didn’t know I had
I sit on the carpet and stretch
God that feels good
Flexibility returns with patience
Oh yeah, that’s me
As I curve backwards
To touch my feet
My deep breath returns
Opening my heart
I meditate on ****** sensations
I am alive
Girl, do not waste your life
Sometimes the birds
Sing only for you
Viktoriia Jul 2024
there's a sea
on the other side of this dream,
you will meet yourself
there, on the shore.
she might say
"you're so much braver than me,
'cause, you see,
you've made it here on your own."
she could hold your hand
or hold back a laugh
when the waves catch you off guard
as they break.
there's a life
on the other side of this dream
to welcome you back
once you're awake.
Roxxanna Kurtz Jun 2024
War
I'm at war with myself.
My confidence caught in between
a battlefield of destructive choices,
defeating words and deafening voices,
that strike me down constantly.
I'm over taken by armed anxieties,
their vocalities violently shattering
any chance I've had at victory.
My white flag falling at my feet,
as I hear them scream,
"You'll never be good enough!"
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