without a vision
people are rarely reminiscent,
of what they have been seeking
and fall into a deep torpor
maybe its this slumber
that makes them realize,
all they wanted was right there
in front of their eyes.

there was a girl, brave and bold
carried in her heart, a potful of gold
searching everywhere, knowing nowhere
where she would get her answer.

with such strong desires held in her soul,
a fire ignited in her heart
as she wandered into the dark,
the rustling of a brook, somewhere in the woods
where she would often sit by and ponder
'Is happiness all I seek?
or is it just one of life's very old tricks
and maybe it reeks?'

with such a heavy heart
she walks alone into the woods,
contemplating whether life is something
that she never really understood.

Take my hand
discover its warmth
look past the human debris
and find me
avalanches and storms
of centuries
could not bury me
for the studio light
shines too bright.

POWER in the blood
Is no STRENGTH of mine
’Tis so sweet to TRUST in Jesus!”
I shout in  jest
            Aging way before my time

“It ain’t well at all!”  I rage
In berefted soul
I writhe and waste and pine AWAY
YET you refuse to make me WHOLE

You deny me fadeless hope
You forego my cry for PERFECT LOVE
You chastise my ask for LIGHT
You DISAVOW me PEACE AT ALL

You hide your HEALING HAND
You disrobe so I can’t TOUCH
I’ll never RISE AGAIN
When gifted DEATH & CROSS

Be thou my VISION
For I no longer SEE
This AMAZING GRACE I’ve once heard of
Isn’t really FREE

In this garden of silent PRAYER
I determine not to speak
Cause nothin’ but
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST


Means nothing to a Death Eater’s
Unremitting
Unrepentant
Unforgiving
Dance with Midnight’s GRIEF

Down a path where arteries will meet the scythe.
Deceased silhouettes suffocating in defeat.

A spark struggles to illuminate the way before the feet.
cloaked in disbelief, conversing with grief.

Climbing an empty ladder,
dreams clustered beyond reach.
With worn bones aiming to reach beyond the known peak.

Which road should I take?
that lead me to the place
where I can fulfill my Destiny,
where i can find, What's inside me?

What is the work, I should do?
For which I born to
What will please the hunger inside me?
What is my success key?
What's inside me?

Countless stars glitter in sky
in this darkest night.
But which of them will be the Sun?
that made me Enlight.

I want to know!
Stand out of row
To find the true me
And find, what's inside me?

Where have I come from?
Where am I headed?
What am I doing here?
Does it feed my soul’s desire?
Who am I?
Am I who I want to be?
Am I who I’m destined to be?

Into the woods
Seeking solace and R&R,
Away from civilisation,
And the dreaded mobile phone.
Off grid, switched off and outnumbered by trees,
Explore who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m heading.
At 50
Time to take stock,
Reappraise and reapply,
And fulfil my soul’s path.

How do you do that?
When you don’t know what it is
When you don’t know who you are
When you’ve never truly been you.
Always wanting desperately to fit in,
but never seeming able.
Afraid of being judged,
yet judging too.
Never taking action
for consequential fear.
Drifting through life,
Disassociated,
Disconnected,
Discombobulated,
No surprise.
Disengaged,
Discontented,
Disenchanted.

5 nights in the woods
Just me and my tent.
Walking all day,
Staring in the fire all night.
Sitting in peace and quiet amongst coppice, hornbeam and oak
Seeking answers
With none forthcoming.
Other than taking time out.
And dreaming of
Living the #vanlife
Going where the mood takes me.
No rush, no worries, no cares,
Just me and my camper van
Freedom and
Flexibility.

Travelling on the road,
Meeting kindness of strangers,
Comfy dress down
No airs and graces,
Deep conversations,
Connection,
Move on.
Being the nomadic free spirit,
that’s me.

But is it an escape?
A way to stay disconnected?
A way to not face up to feelings
Of anger and shame?
Or will it be the making of me?
The discovery of me?
The adventurer in me?

I love you
from behind the window
behind the curtain
of your orbit
I love you madly
without your notice
the way the moon loves
with all her scars

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
no spoken word and no life sign
shall disturb my hopeless slumber.

For I am alive but I do not live
hidden from the present
lurking in forbidden gardens
where pain and doubts carry me.

I was once,
maybe I tried to be
now I am no more, will I be again?
Are the hidden ones truly free?
Are the silenced ones truly forgotten?

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
echoes of silence reign here,
now and forever.