She’s under my skin
like a bruise that’s
unwilling to heal

Her touch
left me trembling

Her gaze
pierced my bones

Her love
scarred my soul

I left,
when my heart
ached to be hers

Her eyes danced with
cornfield loneliness;
pain so deep
that blueberries and
puppies couldn't
touch it.
She tried to **** it with
***** and
****,
but that only
made it worse.

The solution came
simply,
like flipping a switch.
She just quit loving.
It was rough at first;
tough on the heart.
It hurt when she
saw dandelions and
felt velvet on her face.
It ached when she
smelled the sunrise and
kissed soft lips.
But with time she became
like a head of lettuce
or a marble.
Her eyes were
vacant;
reptilian and blank.

She forced me to pray for a god
that never answered my prayers

When I told her that I wish to die,
she told me to recite Al-Ikhlāṣ

In her own eyes,
I was a sinner who didn’t worship
the same imaginary friend as hers

An imaginary friend that let her
steal my innocence instead of saving me
from her cruel hands and piercing eyes

How can I worship a god that
didn’t listen to my desperate cries
when I was abused,
abandoned, and bruised

Mother gave
me a blade

Mine was pink,
hers was purple

It was a useless sharp thing
that’s always in my drawer

One night,
I reached for the blade,
and it felt like my
mother’s embrace  

Every time I used it,
I was being released
from all my pains

Thank you, mother

Every time I close my eyes I see red.
It drips down onto the ground, onto my clothes.
It stains.
I open my eyes and I’m left with the memories of myself cutting my arms open to see the crimson red liquid drip out of the wounds I’ve created.
Wounds that I’ll soon regret.
Wounds that scar my skin.
Wounds that scar my mind.
Every time I close my eyes I see red.
These scars are forever.
But I can make it better.
I don’t know how but I have to try because when I close my eyes I am reminded of that **** color.
That color that reminds me of the many times I’ve hated myself.
It reminds me of the times someone had hurt me.
It reminds me of the times where I felt like I shouldn’t be alive.
Every time I close my eyes I see red.
I want to see other colors.

You're a disaster, a tsunami.
Your waves washed out my sanity.
Those wild yet soothing sound you make,
Simple imperfections that makes you, you.
It was all worth the risk but like a tsunami,
Your waves came too fast at my shore.
It's overwhelming, it's surreal.
Just how fast you came, the faster you left.
Like a tsunami, a disaster.
A scar inside me and the terrifying feeling is all that is left.