the girl
gauzy dress
tattered and torn
burning
breathless through brambles
reaching a river
pursued
panting
she must cross it
take a step into
freezing water
numbing bones
shaking shivering
pale skin and blue lips
trip
and
fall
hands fall forwards
trying to catch
whatever is left of yourself
but pieces crumble and scatter
on mossy rocks
sharper than they
look
howling dogs and
snarling men
filthy
hunting
they will be here soon
so get up
because there is no more time
to lie here
and wish you are not
the girl
who was maybe once loved
face down
in frigid murky water
the only company in death
those who persecute her
as her pale body
begins to rot
even god
starts to
forget
about her
first
her hands
then
her face
then
her hair
until there is
nothing
left
so that when the dogs
frothing lips
raised fur
and the men
roaring voices
savage thoughts
arrive
the girl is gone
nothing left of her but a
whisper of wind
and the scent of sandalwood
and strawberries
and summer days
long forgotten
but now remembered by those
who never knew them
maybe god didnt forget her
maybe he saved her

I bought a house to live in it.
I bought a car to drive away far.
I bought clothes to look neat and fine.
I bought groceries to cook and eat my meals on time.
While I eat, I look back upon the past and wonder if it’s really mine?

I have a mother who is sweet and lovely but she isn’t what she is supposed to be in front of me.
I have a brother who is a fighter in games of war when played inside the house between Mama and Papa. He stands with Mama cause he knows the pain caused by trauma given by Papa.
I have a father who is hardworking and kind but hides his childhood that he lost over time.
They are my family, I belong to them, but am I really a part of them? Are they really mine?

I grew up over time, living life free and fine, feeling it’s mine.
But over time, I realised it isn’t mine.
The story that I am presenting, it isn’t mine,  it belongs to destiny and time.
I guess What’s Mine isn’t Really Mine.

Maybe if I had looked for you,
Thought this through,
You´d have come by,
I´d have caught your eye,
You´d come around-
Finally we´d be bound:
A heap of cold bones,
You´d find headstones,
My flesh so long rotten,
Just like always forgotten.

i wonder if the attachment and obsession i had with the person
i dated for two years was because of the loneliness i felt being with my family.
if i felt full and secure with my mother would i have been with that person?

Within a book, she keeps each hurtful deed,  
A catalog of wrongs beneath each name.  
Her wounded heart, a garden choked by weeds,  
And every page ignites an inner flame.  

She reads their sins in ink that does not fade,  
A testament to pain she cannot shake.  
The trust she gave, betrayed and left unpaid,  
Becomes a chain of bitterness to take.  

She fears the world, where lies and shadows play,  
Believing none are true, that all deceive.  

Her heavy book has left her heart in gray,  
A life too bound by hurt to yet believe.  

If she could set the pages all afire,  
Might love, not anger, rise from such a pyre?

I hear in this tavern,
upper middle classes,
talk of their families
and boys and their girls

I drink my whisky
and not a ******* Scotch
and fill my belly with crispies
not worry about my lesser notch
on their belts they call Mr Jones
and all their rights and never wrongs

I don't care of their bragging,
as I know the truth is a color red.
Disease and all disabilities
will lead to their lies leaving.

A child under a breathing machine,
not that I think its justice in gold,
I hate to see a  single child suffer,
But this is all I have ever known.

I don't gloat and belly laugh,
as I know they'll all go through
this from the first tongue of waif
a mirror is always me seen through.

This world is killing me.
I suffer in reverse of belief
I'm not any good at sinking
that 8 ball that towers.......

I knew this early on
But
I put it in a box
I wrapped it
taped it up
Put it as far away as I could
in the back of my mind
I hid this massive box away
under some smaller ones that I was saving for another day

After some time
Eventually
I starting opening the boxes
Began to process what was inside
It came time to look in this specific box
The one that I hid so distantly
As I opened the package
Feelings came jumping out
They came so fast
Worry
Dread
Sadness
and fear

The reality began to dawn on me
I had let him down
I hurt everyone by hiding this package so far away
I didn't want to see
Or remember
Something had began
And I desperately wanted it to just go away
It wouldn't
It won't

Disease only worsens with time
With no one to push him
To show him he's loved
He didn't see the point of trying to get help
I left the box for weeks
That time is endless when you feel so alone
He'd put it behind him
Ready to let time take it's course
I told him I wouldn't bring it up
That it wasn't anyone's business but his own
I told him it was his life
He could do what he chose
I tied it up and threw it in a ******* pile
For days
For weeks

Now I'm awakened
I see this so clearly
I shouldn't have said it wasn't my place
I was selfish and misguided
I let him believe it was fine to ignore this
I let it sit
Let it fester
I didn't show him what his life meant to me
I didn't show him how much I care
I love him so much
Forever
and always
But what is forever when time is passing before your eyes

I sit
I cry
And cry
I can't make up for this time
Where he didn't see my love
I didn't show him the true meaning of the word

Now we'll address it
See what we can do
How bad is it?
What are the options?

My tears are shed
Day after day
Realizing what I've done is hard to bear
Leaving it so long
Not trying until now
I cry
And I cry
And I cry some more

This one thing
This thing I chose to ignore
Unforgivable
Life changing
His life
His future
Our future

Each box I had put out of reach
Even the ones way in the back
Every box was a gift
Something so precious in each
This was the biggest one of all
It wasn't only a gift.
It was
It is
Life.

For now.