How long should my sadness last?
When will it come to an end?
Will it ever stop? For a split second, I might feel happiness touching my heart, but then waves of grief washes over me.
Still, for what length of time should I cover the bridges of my eyes to hide the tears that are starting to well up?
Still, how long should I continue to act as I'm alive  though I'm dead?
when will the world realize that i was dead inside a long time ago...

they say you wear
the face of whom
you loved most
in a past life.
perhaps that is why
i can only see you
in everything.

the sun and moon
yearned for one another
but time kept them apart.
tracing the horizon
an endless dance
they wait for an eclipse;
proof, that even against all odds
the most improbable love
can always find a way.

i’m here again.
i see you without seeing you
i feel you without touch
another night, black words
on white walls
i find myself hopelessly
seeking you out.
restless, relentless
i no longer know what i even
hope to find at its end.
perhaps only the stinging comfort
of knowing your near
within my grasp
like the gods of old
filling the night sky
with so much wonder
for i to only look upon in awe.
like pyramus and thisbe
through a crack in the wall
we whisper our love.
you are engraved within me
this cannot be for nothing
i refuse it.
countless moons
have come and went
radio silence
an entire world between us
yet i cannot give up;
the idea of you.
i exist in a fantasy,
a childlike dream
i peel back the veil of time
and gaze into you once more.
i do not know
what souls are made of
but what ever it is;
ours are the same.
and if that is all
we where ever destine to be
a flicker in time
a fleeting moment
a blip in space;
then i have cheated
fate from her cruel wish.
for i have lived out
countless life's
with you in my mind  
my muse;
i have dreamt you
into my existence;
and here you remain.

Begging for mercy from a cruel false god
As the years go by, I’ve seen through the facade
But I’m still chained by desperation and fear
And the false hope that you’ll be sincere
And the pleasure you take in my pain will disappear
But it won’t
You don't want to change
You never will
So it will be my blood and tears you continue to spill
Consume me body and soul
Whenever you are hungry for a little power and control
Whenever the world is too much for you
You take it out on daddy’s favorite punching bag

Mother is on the stairs
But she might as well not be there
For she doesn’t interfere
Not even when he fists curl up
Not when there are tears
She watches with quiet scripted interjections
As she watches this towering god looming over me tear me apart
No apologies no remorse
Just me with ****** hands picking up the broken fragments of myself off the floor
I don’t want to be here anymore

And after the damage is done
She provides false comfort
Then angrily scolds me
“You know better than that”
“Why did you say that”
“Why didn’t you say that”
As if the looming tsunami would ever take mercy on me
So I cower in my room licking my wounds forever alone
For there is no one else’s hands to hold
No one's arms to surrender to
Just grief
And a false hope that one day,
I will be free

But even when far far away
Those cruel feelings and fears remain
For now they are woven into my DNA

I've been on the drugs,
Broken arms with the medicine,
Thrown in a hole I never dug,
They say the white walls are for my betterment.

They say it's for the pain,
Say it's for your head.
It must be on the outside,
Inside I feel dead.

Somebody pressed mute on the radio,
Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
That I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold.

Looking in the mirror but I don't see me,
Just confusion and some emptiness,
Shakespearean with no remedy.
Woe is me, oh where is me?
I feel like I used to be a better me.

Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold

Another one down,
Another one drank.
Another time you tell me I'm fine.
Another time I wish I was.

I guess I'm not dead...

HOW DOES THAT RUSH FEEL ?
THAT FIRST TOUCH RUSH
THAT FIRST KISS RUSH
THAT GLANCE RUSH