Take a look inside my darkened heart
Peek around and see how its falling apart
Break down the stone walls that block everything out
Behind the wall, the disaster, the drought

After destroying the barricade
Come back again but don't invade
Wander about and seek me
Look deeply and truly see

Understand me and my heart
With your words, be very smart
Be honest, be patient, be listening
My heart will soon start whispering

Stick around and give it time
As it starts to reveal its every crime
It cries out "I'm here"
It screams out "come near"

The secret of my very soul
Is that it seeks to be whole
Constantly trying to run
But needing to be held by someone

I run so fast I feel the dust form
In clouds behind the blood stained feet
I pound down on the brown earth
Constantly running, I seek comfort
A million miles travelled to try reach
That golden place I feel good enough
For the world to love me

My eyes sting, blinded in their quest
They have forget the world in clear
The reality is blurred beyond repair
Distorted  by the fear I hold
Of the mocking jingle of disappointment
That echos faintly in my ear
Every year long night

Once in a while I trip and fall
Knees grazing and legs shaking
Crying like a child to her mother
As the thread web I wove begins breaking
In front of my black hole eyes
The only way I know how to stop
Is to get up and run again.

i. when completely alone i know what i am.
no, my brain is a liar, is a lie, is a – turn it off.

ii. i run out: on the wildering of my selves.
i trim them down; less to disguise, less to carry.

iii. please take one with you on your way out.
there will not be a chase.

As kids we're told to follow our dreams
But that is now reversed, so it seems
During the day I live a great life
But when I close my eyes i worry I won't survive the night
An internal struggle with the demons I keep quiet
I bounce from dream to dream like getting beat by a riot
I see you, them, blood, and fire
Running from it all is my one desire
They follow close with screams filling the air
I think why does my mind keep bringing me here
If only I could make my dreams stop
Just climb a tower and throw them from the top
Every night it never seems to fail
I drift off and then my mind starts to bail
Heartbeat racing, bed drenched of sweat
I never thought I'd fear the sunset
One more step to another chase
They say that this will pass, that it's all a phase
I just have to let my mind calm down
But its hard to do that if there is no reason to be found
Maybe one day it will be okay
Until then I close my eyes and hope to wake up the next day

she would need that, wouldn't she?
to slow down
I never slow down
when I ski,
I don't turn
I rocket down the slopes
snow trailing in the frozen air behind me
cold fear in my heart
as I pick up speed
but I don't slow down
I never slow down
I like to live fast
hard
in the moment
one punch after another
breathe breathe breathe
**** air into my lungs until it hurts and
leaves no room for second guessing
for anxiety to creep in
I run to keep up with life
feet pounding on the pavement
mimicking my heartbeat
and I don't slow down
I never slow down
I'm not so good at continued commitments
I'd rather just do everything all at once
hours of work
I could have easily done gradually
crammed all at once
and I don't think before I speak
I say what's on my mind
though I often regret it
and I don't slow down
I never slow down
because if I slowed down
then life
would catch up

Oh calamity
Were you always this big of a tragedy
Selfishly running blindly down life
Wanting to hurt yourself
But hurting everyone around you instead

Oh sore eyes
Do you betray me now
I see my one love running again
Away from her problems,
The only way she knows how,
And away from *me

i am watching life and
it's running so fast and

it goes up toward the
pure white stars and
the brown dirt

the blue sky

the black night

but i'm melting
burning
freezing

my mind is too tired to sleep
but it's too drunk to run.

every thought ive ever had
every action ive ever taken
takes physical form
as a glass shard
it cuts my thumb
and it stings
the crimson blood is washed away
by the lack of regard
from a doctor
every glass shard is saved
kept in a box
in the corner of a room
it sits there
staring at me
every day
oh
how i wish
to set this box on fire
to run away
and buy a new box
but still it sits
and stares

I once wrote about one sad Jellyfish,
that disappeared trying to find her place,
looking back now I wonder how
she swam so far away,
when she was always safe.

I’m tired of living this tired way
I’m tired of being too tired to play
I’m tired of alway being the man that’s grey
I’m tired of not saying what I need to say
I’m tired of having to survive another day
I’m tired of always being the one to pay
I’m tired of being just okay, okay

I’m tired of these long nights
I’m tired of these tiring non stop flights
I’m tired of the scribbles and weak writes
I’m tired of fighting other people’s fights
I’m tired of climbing these never ending heights
I’m tired of not making the wrongs rights
I’m tired of these same sights


I’m tired of being nowhere on my own
I’m tired of being a voice on the end of the phone
I’m tired to the bone
I’m tired of being the great unknown
I’m tired of being the last to be shown
I’m tired of sitting on this dark throne
I’m tired of only catching what I’m thrown
I’m tired of carrying this tomb stone
I’m tired of hearing it groan and moan

I’m tired and I’m running alone
I’m tired, but I’m running for home