I knew it was a long shot
Knew I'd end up with another broken heart
But despite the risk I let you back in
After almost a year apart
Because I couldn't get you off my mind
Not for a day or even an hour or two
And if you were so deeply stuck in my thoughts
That meant it was worth starting over new
Now we are here trying our best
But it's not quite what we hoped it would be
The love I feel for you is stronger than ever
But I can't seem to make you see

I just want you to smile once more
And make you happy like I did before

You all think that I am doing okay,
All thanks to the smile on my face,
But it's been thirty years of this fake ****,
You'd think by now you'd see through it,
But no, 3 decades and I can still put on a show,
Better than an actor, and I don't need all that blow,
I can get by on anything I can find,
And if I don't have anything to scavange on hand,
Well there's always the internet,
Because I will put my life on the line for a fix,
If I'm really in need, and it should scare you,
It should freak me out, but I'm calm here alone,

Don't tell me it'll get better,
That line doesn't get easier,
It doesn't age like fine wine,
Just rots like a coffin full of bones,

Instructing me to take my meds, like that will help?
When it hasn't done **** in the past,
Isn't gonna score you points when I'm looking down the barrel,
Of a gun of my own making,
And yes, I'll still be faking,
That 10 watt smile tomorrow when I see you,
Cause that's just what I ******* do,
Oh, please don't be mad when you find out it's all a lie,
Because honestly you should've been able to find,
The cracks in my mask, they're bigger than China,
And the nightmares in there will seep out and find ya,
After I've had a bottle of wine or tequila or two,
I'll let you know every bad deed I've ever let them do,


Don't tell me it'll get better,
That line doesn't get easier,
It doesn't age like fine wine,
Just rots like a coffin full of bones.

my spine was assembled clumsily and with an erratic precision of a hand that knows the premeditation of everything
the swarm came in the shape of an air conditioner
it's the characterizations of overgrown lawns and memory foam on the side of the curb
like going to the laundromat instead of church on Sunday
I've said this before, repetition lives inside the brain that continues to step over it's own feet
foot slowly inching towards my mouth
i could kiss you with my ankle if you would
the air conditioner buzzes all night like i did that night that i couldn't find the entrance in a place that i wanted to leave
take me home in a Chinese take-out box
i'll sit in the back of your fridge until you forget
i'll grow my own colony, mold malformation on the creases where the warmth should be
Sweaty container and you throw me out before Monday's pickup trash along with the expired mustard and mayonnaise
oh the missed opportunity, the dedication i could have gone to have given you a stomach ache that leaves you at three in the morning dry heaving your memories
that electric buzz stays until it's unwelcome and still it persists
so the bees have started to congregate, digress and drink the synthetic honeysuckle it spits
they take off, wings of woolly yellow into a breath that i consume by lungfuls
i don't know where they're going but that's okay because they keep coming back
and it's the permanence of something so flighty that calms the hum

Walk with me if you dare,
keep up with me if you can.

A flick of your hair
Twisted sunshine
To plentiful, I care
Flirting that line
Between touch
And caveing in
Push and pull
My morality
And your loveability

That smile of smiles
A gasp, a heave
Those alluring cobalt eyes
Compelling me to stay
As they secretly
Glisten my way

I dream of your taste
Of a brush, a kiss
The impact, I can't dismiss
But is it all reality?
Or figment of my ingenuity?
A Chimera
Of my longing
And your beauty?

So I'll cherish the small
Treasure and revere
This little thing we've got here
'Till trifling things, they disappear
Or grow big enough
To take a risk for love

I took a pass on how risky love was,
and take the easy road
that was laid upon me...

Then I realize
i miss some chances
on happiness
just to
shape-up a future
that will always be uncertain...

With a stabbing at your pending shallowness, I reel  in the blackness of such a fight we have endured.
And as we battled the shadows lurking  our way fourth, we agreed on a reason for our fleeting absences.
Climbing on the wall, ticking up to a time bomb when your everlasting embrace becomes my most valued mistakes.
I tried to disgrace your name as I run fast out of the tunnel, risky flames spewing towards me.
They're not entitled to keep me sane. It is you who once again leave muddy footprints as you walk in acid rain.
Tracking a path to the complexities of where you leave me in a bundle of distorted images.
I'm not as wrecked as they claim me to be. I'm not just a shell of who I want to be. I pushed past those  fatal plans in front of me.
I evolved into a creature worthy of will and of ability.
The offering I bestow onto the table is every being of you that I pretend is still with me.
When I fish out the best characteristics we had,
I blow up to find that it is more lethal than anything cancerous.

The waters have parted
An unwished dream comes to fruition
Will I stay dry
If I stand in the partition
Should I leave my things behind
And risk my old life for a new
Can I safely stand in between
Or will the walls conjoin and renew
Leaving me tossing and drowning in the middle
Wishing I had stayed back on the shore
Where my life was stable, standing on flat land
Always wishing for more
I just see a life on the other side of the sea
Feeling like that side is better and fit for me
But Moses isn’t here to assist me through
What would you do?