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ashw Jul 10
I have nothing else -
Not one person close to me.
Only ever obstensibly known,
Via some overrated reality.
Truthfully, a manufactured facade-
Beneath, a much less pretty wasteland.
I want my real self to be known,
Have all my understandings understood.
So I must find the right words,
Though they always pale in comparison.
There’s no real description, it seems
Of our inner-most workings,
Even here I pause as my depiction stutters.
I wish I could just bequeath my mind
And have my soul be exposed;
For someone to retrieve my thoughts
And need no explanation.
If I can’t emit my true visage,
If only I can see color,
Then I have no hope for completion,
And the loss is overwhelming.
ashw Jun 7
the omittance of a standard
the justification of an action
the realness of pain

and still I laugh
ashw Nov 2015
I find myself on uncertain ground,
Straddling an impossible horizon.
On one side is day, where my consciousness thrives
On the other is night, where fatigue claims its prize.

For years, it seems, I have longed for sleep,
For a reprieve from wakefulness, and the sun’s piercing light,
But now, as I stand astride this unlikely fission,
I fear what awaits within night’s unyielding prison.

The darkness has beckoned, calling me forth
Even now, its sweet siren reigns down on my soul,
Oh, how easy, to just close my eyes and let my thoughts be consumed,
The promise of nothingness nearly impossible to refuse.

But my silhouette on the ground reminds me of light,
And I owe it to myself, past and future alike
To reconsider day and all it provides,
Before I make a choice, here, where two opposites collide.

I can remember hope, and the anticipation of greatness,
But also despair and nights spent alone.
Laughter and desire, pitted against resentment,
An ever-tipping balance between dissatisfaction and contentment.

No, it’s just not enough for me to fully commit,
I’d much prefer blackness and its long-awaited calm,
Yes...I will forget about day and its promise of grief,
Instead, I’ll take night and its selfless offer of relief.

Just one step forward and I'll be forever engulfed in silence,
But first I’ll rest here for just one second longer-
I need to say goodbye to day and pay respects to light,
Then I'll go forth, and forget this place where day leads unto night.
ashw Apr 2015
I’ve been alone for countless years,
A speck of dust my only friend.
Deep inside, no hopes, nor fears,
Just myself these many years.

I have no past to reminisce,
Therein no future to predict,
There’s no one lost for me to miss,
No one with whom to reminisce.

There is no way to pass the time,
As I lie in wait of endless night.
There is no love, or hate, or crime,
The more I think, even no time.

Eternity chose to envelop me,
And forever is all there is to see,
An inescapable void, no calm, nor breeze,
For it abandoned all else in favor of me.
ashw Sep 2013
Upon this poem
I entertain relief,
From an uncertain journey
With lack of reprieve.

A prayer delivers
The same result,
A warmth in my being,
An absolving of fault.

My thoughts are freed
From their hampered state,
No longer caged by triviality
Or the dullness of fate.

Daily routine
Had exiled imagination,
But with this escape
My thoughts upend reputation.

The daily grind
Had dampened my soul,
But looking toward heaven
I envision being whole.

So small a thing
To provide such release,
So fleeting a moment
In a life so deplete.

But it’s just enough
To keep madness at bay,
These times that I write
And those times that I pray.
reprieve imagination prayer writing dailygrind
ashw Jul 2013
I once was on an endless journey
Of turning left and right
There was bramble all around me, only
Nothing not alike.

Though none were up above me
I could not see the sky,
All except my inner strength
I had been left alone to die.

Deserted by the moon and stars,
I was even without light,
But desperate to be free again
I braved the endless night.

Time escaped me also,
I traveled a day, a week, a year,
But my body never weakened,
Nor hunger did I fear.

Even if I neared the end
I had no way to be sure,
So I promised myself it was close ahead,
Just one more set of turns.

But the exit never greeted me,
And disappointment, it grew strong,
I had broken so many promises
My credibility was gone.

I could no longer reassure my mind,
So I faced the truth instead.
I prepared myself for eternity
And an endless path ahead.
ashw May 2013
Wearily I rest my head upon your offered shoulder,
Always there to shelter me from the fears that make me colder.
Just as darkness closes in, persuading me "come hither",
There you are to rescue me, just before the shiver.
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