Well,
Ive done it again .


I am my own worst enemy,
Like im my worst friend.

Its like i am my own demon.
Plauging my own name.

How do i defeat this demon.
If its in my own body i wake.

I am my own demon.
Causing my own hell.
I cannot see a reason,
Is what it tells me well.

Sometimes i lose my angels,
They have to keep a range.

Thats because this demon,
Is in control and playing games.

But these games are not safe.
There dangerous, they can cause pain.

After every tempation implyed,
The sin just brings my bane.

Sorry to all whom i hurt.
Says the real me;
Hidden inside, restrained in chains.
While this demon runs a muck.
Thats my true pain.

Its like i am my own demon.
I hurt, again and again.
But the real me just wants love.
To give and feel, in the end.

How do i defeat this demon,
If the mirror says its me.

Because killing this demon,
Would seal me to pain, worse,
Than this purgatory.

They say Gods alive,
And that the Father , He will talk.

If ive heard any thing, its that with
My angels i will walk.

But how from all That they can protect me from.
Can the save me from this demon.
From which i wish to run.

The answer i know not,
But still i must fight with what i got.

A broken heart, racing mind and body of sloath

Mind circles thoughts.
Heart feels lost,
Body is weak and my spirit,
Feels wroth.

Im sorry to those ive hurt.
Says the real me,
The real heart.

But i just might end up there again,
Even though i hate its end.
It doesnt make friends..

Enemies will be sent,
But it just cant be helped at times,
Says the demon of such a wretch.

How do i defeat once again in life,
The demon that comes around.
If the real me just wishes silently.
Making not a sound.


Well, ive done it again

Back and forth, left and right
We never could make up our minds,
We never could be on the same page
We always were too disengaged.
When you wanted attention
I wanted freedom
When I wanted commitment
You wanted a reason.
We spoke of love like it had no limits
One of us was always more invested.
One day we were inseparable and the next I was at your throat
One minute you had your arms around me then in a flash you would explode...
For the longest time we truly believed
That I was meant for you, and you for me,
We thought two broken souls had finally found a home
But we were even too broken for each other and the result was a cyclone.
Our love was a tragedy and I don't believe it was real
We both just wanted a heart to steal...
We lost ourselves and its sad to remember
That at one point we both made a promise of forever,
We were best friends and now we can't even speak
Because every time just brings up too many bad memories.
Your pictures make me puke and your voice gives me a headache
But at one time just thinking of you used to keep me awake,
And at one point you trusted me enough to tell me your secrets
Things I know now you wish you never revealed.
Three times you asked me to marry you and make it official
But each time I said no because I was too fearful
Terrified of you and your selfish ways
All of this **** I've said too many times, just in different ways
It just doesn't go away.

A rendition destroyed.
A composition disforming.
A mistake was made.
A failure was gained.
A regret pondered.
A lesson never taught.
A cosmic orchestration to be repeated over and over again.

The blurred lines in my mind
have my thoughts playing on rewind,
like an old school mixtape
it took me forever to find
and all the songs play on shuffle,
each one a memory from a different day,
remembering the hussle
and all the things I couldn't say,
but I got every little part
of every tune
memorized to heart
and when I play them on repeat
from the start
I get lost in the tracks, fumbling,
checking out this road map
with no streets,
just valleys and hills
and when the beat gets faster,
I can feel the thrill

My best friend said,
To "write it all down",
So here I am to compose.
Trying so hard to get rid of the darkness.
But there's something affecting my prose.

My mind and pen won't connect.
My, heart with the hurt it has kept.
Will stay silent, that is always it's task.
"Silent for how long?" He stares at me and asks.

I say I don't know.
That I'm tempted to go,
For I desperately wish I had wings.
He pauses and says
With no second thought,

Why don't you go write something?

For those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

© Melissa Carlson 2015

i wish history really did
repeat itself
because i badly
want you to happen to me
again