I'm lying down,
Facing the ceiling.
Pulse slow,
Heart in hand.
I search for answers that I can't seem to find,
Even in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind.
Memories I have no right to keep,
Torture me as I wait for sleep -
To come,
To carry me from my wild thoughts.
I ask myself so many WHYs and WHAT IFs,
I tell myself I deserve everything -
The pain,
The sorrow,
The longing.
So I accept it willingly,
The punishment my mind gives my body -
To lie here,
Facing the ceiling,
Tossing and turning.

I stay awake all night as I watch the world sleep.
Morning comes and the dark circles deepen.
As a reminder that I took away my own peace.

Oh corpse, oh corpse, you're not dead
Even if you have taken your last breath

Even if the call of sorrows was what you last heard
And the sight of dark and black was your last sight
And the valleys are now the location of your new home
And life has left you with no doubt

And you've succumbed to an eternal slumber
And the reapers touch was what you last felt
And you've been dragged to your death bed
And your eyes have lost its earthly light

And your heart no longer beats for your loved one
And you're sweet lips have become bloodless reminders
And your touch is as cold as Lucy's heart
And warm tears have washed you, oh dear corpse you are not dead

Your spirit still lives amongst the living
And now you have two homes
A home in the valley of the shadows of death where remorse and sorrows and darkness roams
And a place in your lovers heart, and banks have also become your home

True death will never be obtained
Until you have been fully ordained
As the priest of the forgotten church where it's members have no memories
Until you have been ****** to hell and made the new Satan of the land
You will never die

For a soul will leave it's body, but it will forever live in God's land

breath,
    in and out,
    over and over.

2. get up,
    every morning,
    do your best.

3. eat,
    try,
    it’s okay if you can’t.

4. brush your teeth,
    back and forth,
    keep it up.

5. brush your hair,
    daily,
    you can do this.

6. go to school,
    dont shut down,
    interact.

7. come home,
    you’re  close,
    make it through.

8. breath,
    but I can’t.

-breathe in
-breathe out
-don't try so hard to prove yourself to others
-don't be so ******* yourself
-breathe
-just keep breathing even when it hurts
-don't forget how much you're loved

I’ve told you this before...
but i think of you a lot.
it’s not really intentional,
its just that
everything reminds of you.

when i see a flower-
i think of how good you look in the color pink.

when i think of economics, or politics, i think of you-
because i know how interested you are in those subjects.

when i stare at people for long enough-
their faces start to morph into yours.
and thats why i don’t like to go out anymore.
because everywhere i go,
i see you.
i see you in the scribbles in my journals,
and in the cracks on the sidewalks,
i see you when i press a button in an elevator,
and when I’m filling out a form to sign up for the sats?
don’t ask me why,
because i don’t know...
i just know that it happens.

i know that i know things about you that no one else does.
and you know things about me that no one else does.
you know things about me i wouldn’t want anyone else to know.
i trust you like that.
i think of you as a safe house,
a place where i know that things will be good
eventually.
at least-
i like to hope so.

everytime i see a german shepard i see you
evertime i hear scripture i hear you
everytime i smell **** i smell you
everytime i touch a keyboard i feel you
everytime i taste hot cocoa i taste you
everytime i feel love i feel you
how am i supposed to forget you when you are in everything i do?