Another cycle come and gone
of invasive crap chewing out the inside of my skull
armor of stoicism, nagging need to atone
I could let you know, but i'll leave it alone

I am used to it now, just waiting it out
Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes the doubt is stronger
Nothing, really, that you've brought on
You'd know it if i showed you
Because you do it too

Nagging untrustworthy thoughts that come to you

You might wanna talk, if you do I will listen
And tell you what's real
or officious cognition
Might add to my burdens, i don't care
if it's hurtin'
If none of it's true, then there's nothing we're learnin'
I'll work it all out
And get rid of this doubt
Without forcing you to see the man behind the curtain

I've been here so much and I know how it works
It passes
And acknowledging it just makes it worse
Coerced into talking compromises my temperance
Your fortitude, will be all that's between a rock and a remanent

If it's working for you,
Then you don't need to worry about it

Waiting
Thats all i know how to do
Waiting
As if no time has pasted at all
I wait
I wait for the right time
I hope it comes soon
Waiting
Thats all i do
I wait for you
I wait for us
I hope i don’t have to wait
For too much longer.

Peace is something to die for
To dive for
Deep into uncomfortable waters where confrontations swim quickly with sharp teeth of yesteryears hurts, scars and disappointments
To wrestle against the currents of emotional immaturity and pride in the deep and dark abyss of normalcy.

Hiding hurt in plain sight, veiled, covered up like dirt under the carpet so that no one can see the harm that has been done but never reconciled.
The narcissist within you thinks you know the reason behind everything you see or feel, you’ve already figured out a story where you’re justified and as for me, you say I should let it go.
Life is too short to relive old pain.

Your peace is a false god.
Your peace has won no battles , your peace has no scars , your peace is nothing but a curtain that hides the ugliness of human condition that you are not emotionally mature enough to process.
Your peace is the absence of conflict.
My peace is its resolve.
To stitch the wound
To mend the heart
To soothe the soul
Again, to start
Anew, with you to know you deeply,
To love you deeply.
If life is so short, then why are we waiting
To start again

The flowers you left in my hands
The bouquet wrapped in ribbon and bands
Once left with healthy petals
Came back every time to water the flower
Yet somehow
Something that's rational
Is now filled with uncertainty
The petals are dying
There's no cure
The sighing
The crying
Yet, I can't help but still try to salvage the flowers you gave me

Here, I’m still waiting on the rising,
But again, I go fading out of sight.
I guess, to you, it must be surprising,
How I was gone before sparks ignite.

Blowing- free flowing- in your direction,
Cut short by a sudden change in wind,
Gusts trade vision with my projection.
Reversing in confusion- now I rescind.

For it’s you who holds my attention,
But by a selfish means of protection,
Had me leaving before a storm began.
I can see I was creating a rejection
But there really wasn’t even a plan.
My patterns of impulse and projection
Regrettably have led to your doubt,
And damage to a wholesome connection.
I admit- I reeled you in, I spit you out.

But I didn’t mean to be deceiving-
I’m just a little abandoned and abused
Was never good with people leaving,
Sorry I left you bruised and confused.

i miss the comfort of her warmth
i hate how avoidant she is
i miss her kisses on my skin
i hate how she lies to me
i miss how loved she made me feel
i hate the secrets she keeps from me
i miss how she looked at me with her beautiful eyes
i hate how she avoids eye contact now
i miss her laugh
i hate how i believed her even though i knew she lost feelings
i miss her affection
i hate how she doesnt try to keep me in her life
i miss the time we spent together talking about our future
i hate how easily she replaced me
i miss her touch
i hate her attitude towards me
i miss how perfect she was
i hate how she gave up on us
i miss her love
i hate her how cold she is towards me
i miss her love poems
i hate the was she makes me feel now
i miss how we cried together
i hate how she doesnt understand me
i miss the promises she made
i hate how she didnt keep them
i miss her scent
i hate how she doesnt love me anymore
i miss how excited she was to see me
i hate how sick i feel without her
i miss when she told me about her day
i hate how stupid i feel for believing we were going to last forever
i miss how special she made our love feel
i hate how much i trusted her
i miss how i felt like i was made for her
i hate that she made me believe that
i miss how much i smiled because of her
i hate seeing her frowny smile at me
i miss our spark
i hate how easily it disappeared

You stood beneath the station light,
the kind that softens into blue.
Your hair was damp from rising rain,
your hands unsure of what to do.

I watched you move but not let go,
a breath away, yet far from home.
There’s something cruel in parting slow—
we lost the words, we left alone.

The train exhaled, the silence stayed,
You turned your face, but you never waved.

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