Thinking I've long moved on.
These constant thoughts of her
assumed having long been gone
now they randomly will recur.

Today was such a case.
Going through my tunes
Unexpectedly in their place
A song I'd sing to you in June.

a birthday song I'd rehearse
reminder of one I once knew
and a day I'll forever curse
I'm still haunted by the ghost of you.

you lifted me in a dream,
like it was nothing—
like the years hadn’t passed
like storms
through our bodies.

we spun until dizzy,
grinning like we used to:
in a world filled
with lollipops,
doorway dates,
and curfews.

you never kissed me
the way stories end.
you only loved me
in the narrow space
between your name
and your friend’s.

you told me
i should be with someone good,
someone who could hold
all my stories.
but never said,
someone like you.

you held my heart
when it spilled,
drunk, full of ache,
and my hand on a bench
before life swelled
and whisked us away.

no fallout.
no fight.
just the silence.

Can a certain affection,
Perhaps feel as a victory
My love for you, platonically
Deeply rooted into my soul

My veins made for dancing ours,
My eyes made for meeting yours
Self made at heavens sake
I love you dearly my best friend.

I want to go
I stay
Straying further away
We dont speak for days
I dont want it to be this way
Forgive me
Forget me not

Their eyes are the same
but the glint is different.
What if you're the only one
seeing this side of them?
You are. (You aren't.)

Aren't you so special?

They're so charming. Seductively kind. Disarming.

Wake up. The lumberjack is pointing the chainsaw at your neck.

It's time to see the forest for the trees
or feel their roots absorb you for nutrients.
Your choice.
...Well not anymore.

You had your chance.
Now become one with the decaying forest in eternal vows.

Maybe if I,
Bent over backwards until my spine ******* snapped.

If I,
Went broke trying to spoil you,
To your hearts content.

If I,
Said yes,
For you,
There's no such thing as no.

If I,
Isolated myself,
So it's just you and me.

If I,
Rushed things,
Bought the ring,
Forgot about the speed.

If I,
Fought against,
Every guy you'd ever **** meet.

If I,
Throw away my trauma,
**** mine,
Yours is what mattered.

If I,
Worked some more,
You had 1 job,
Me 4,
But YOU need the break.

If I,
Give you MY house,
Give you MY car,
Everything in MY name.

If I,
Degrade myself,
"I'm disgusting."
I bet that'd boost your self esteem.

If I,
Never gave a ****,
And just let you do your own thing.

If I,
Shut my mouth,
Didn't stress about the rent.

If I,
Never stood up for once,
And demanded some respect.

If I,
Wasn't human,
Just one of your pets.

If I,
If I.

Maybe if you,
Didn't leave me,
Utterly broken and damaged.

Then maybe,
Time healed,
There were no pills,
And I could of managed.

Instead,
I sit here.
Crying,
Wondering "what the **** happened".

Asking myself,
"If i",
"If you".
As if that would've mattered.

Together 4 years,
Now for 4 months.
You don't even know,
That I've vanished.




-Tré