I can spin,
And I can prance,
And I can watch
The end of this dance.

I can laugh,
And I can cry,
But you'll never hear
Of the reason why.

For you'll never know
What I've seen.
And you'll never go
To the places I've been.

I cannot sing,
But I can act.
And it's a liars' game,
But I'm up to bat.

It's refreshing
To finally be honest,
And it's good that you know
I'm trying my best.

I'm used to hiding,
I'm used to lying.
Saying things of a nature so abiding.
But I was so sick of faking feelings,
Of hiding out of fear,
And suddenly the lights dim,
And the curtains close,
And I turn to see
All I've ever wanted to be.

Back to before,
I knew how to pretend,
Back to before
The beginning of my end.

I fell in love with you,
The way a play comes together.
In slow parts and disjointed bits,
And then finally
All at once,
It goes on
Seamlessly
It seems to the audience.

I fell in love with you
The way rain
Breaks the sky
And falls to thirsty ground.

Slowly, inching darkness bit by bit across the sky,
And then suddenly, the sky cracks open with a burst of light
And a clap of thunder,
And it pours and rains
And life is new again.

I fell in love with you
The way people make other people honest.
The way you touch me and I have to tell you the truth,
The way the fire burns in your eyes also burns my skin a scarlet shade,
The way I can't keep a thing from you.

I fell in love with you
Years ago,
And here I am again.

i put you out of my head
and i went to bed
i went to bed
i forgot the next morning
and i no longer wept

don't be afraid of what the world has to offer
because even back in olden days
Jesus saved the scoffer

i tell you: this day is clean.
this day, the fear does not claim me,
and i take it with both hands and let nothing control me.
it does not rain, it does not storm,
it does not burn, it does not scorch.
instead, the sun rises kindly
and the wind kisses this home of mine
and the clouds give me space to breathe.
i tell you, i tell you:
my heart still beats.

On my knee's pulling out my hair
All that around me were nothing but misery and despair
Suicidal thoughts were running through my mind
My heart was shattered but every one around my seemed to remain bind
Blind to the fact I happily would take my on life
Crying myself to sleep almost every-night
Because I would just hide behind a smile and say I was fine
The misery turned to anger,the anger turned to rage
Emotionally it felt like I was trapped in a cage
Fear,paranoia and apathy
A far cry from the child that I was
The child was long gone and I felt nothing but loss
Grieving for things I had never even known
Abandoned all hope
And trudging a long a dark and lonely path
Yet I seen something a faint light in the distance so I struggled and I clawed and I pick myself up
But something has changed
I stopped looking outward looking for someone to blame
And I realised soon
The light wasn't far away
It come from within me
I had to become broken to become awoken
The path of enlightened was always within me
Had lessons I had to learn for me to fully see
The truth was never lost to me I know that now
Just had to look at my self and the world with a different perception
To fully appreciate to truly value the beauty of this lesson
The empty pit in my belly was no longer there
Spirit was always around me but this was now my time to be come aware
My soul had to become broken to gain deeper insight
To back in the love and glory of this empathetic light

I'm so sick
Of rhyming
And timing
And each time I would flinch,
As you got closer
Inch
By
Inch.

Hashtag!
Maybe he didn't hit you,
But he didn't care that someone else did.

Hashtag!
Maybe he didn't hit you
But he left you in the street,
With nothing but the clothes on your back,
And the shoes on your feet!

And I have
Nothing to say to you,
Except that I hope divine intervention
Comes through.

You are the monster
You were always scared to be,
Because while you were off falling for other girls,
You were damaging me.

But I am whole,
Gladly without you.
Cut off the infection,
Let myself grow new.

Hashtag!
He didn't hit me,
But his words and stance
Could have destroyed me.

I'm so sick,
Of rhyming
And timing,
And each time I would flinch,
The closer you got,
Inch by inch.

You're a monster,
But I don't believe in you,
You're a disease,
But darling, I'm immune.

I am not beautiful.
no, I am not exquisite
or delicate
or dainty.

I am a china rabbit
I am a glittering snow globe
with a castle beneath
thing glass.

I am not
a flower.
I am not
beloved by anyone
anything
and I don't want to be.

I am the rising sun,
I am the pull of the moon on your mind.

I am silence
when you despise sound.

there are soft curves
to my slim being,
and breakable parts
beneath pink when blushing but mostly olive
flesh.

my wrists
can be circled
and held tightly
between your finger
and your thumb.

and my eyes are brown
and only glitter gold
when elated.

they pierce the air
with hollowed features
when felt by fury.

I have purple bags
under my eyes
24/7.

until I met you,
that is.

once upon
a time
I was not a fair damsel
in need of protection,
instead I was a maiden
with knowledge of swords and fighting and
I was to be feared
by the dragons.

but upon breaking,
and upon loving you,
my pride is not worth
as much
as I once thought.

Sometimes victory is the first step. The turn of a doorknob. The cry for help. Victory is finally getting up to eat dinner after crying silently on your bedroom floor when the weight of the world collects like dictionaries upon your shoulders. It is eating that bowl of ice cream anyway, even when the same voices that have haunted you for years keep attempting to shrink you into a skeleton shadow. It is dressing up in the morning when all you want to do is let scorching hot water carve paths down your spine, forgetting the sound of all the voices you have ever heard because it causes you to wonder just when yours disappeared. It is reading a poem in front of your class, hands and voice shaking like palm trees in hurricane wind. It is realizing that some people will pretend to understand the fire of your soul yet cower in your presence due to the terror of getting burned. It is realizing that you are not immune to this, susceptible to creating madness in the nights you keep searching for, but cannot find, any air left to breathe.
It is admitting you are weak. It is choosing to believe the I-love-yous even when they hang above your head like chandelier glass. It is falling asleep shattered yet committed to wake up anyway. Victory is hidden in the idea that tomorrow, as lonely as today has painted it,


exists.

I thought about you a lot,
Those years apart.

What if I had
Opened up this blackened rib cage
And revealed a heart,
A little scarred,
A little beaten,
Would you treat it the same
As the whole, healed heart
You see on my sleeve now?

I think of sitting in the rain,
Alone on the curb of the street.
Rain was soaking through my sweatshirt,
Soaking through to chill my bones.
I think of getting home and being too tired to change out
Of my soaked through clothing, but doing it anyway.
Of ratty t-shirts and jean shorts,
Because the only warmth I wanted didn't exist.

I think of wrapping myself tightly in my blanket,
And softly sniffling until I sleep,
Fear of the nightmares
Of the blood
Of the fire
Of the guilt.

I think of when the house smelled faintly of the wood stove,
And dog fur.
And I could hear the laughter and quarrels of siblings, foster and genetic alike, below my room.

I think of screaming in the car
After some bad news,
Poorly singing (and sobbing) along to a song
I'll sing over and over and over until my voice goes out.

Think of rain
Think of snow
Think of winter and the ache in my bones
Think of how loss was all I knew
Before I knew you.

I think of the smell of burning newspaper
And I think of friends I don't talk to,
And I think of what I thought I knew
Before you.