You can't let go of what makes you sad because it once made you feel so delighted. You can't and you won't ever try to move on in the first place because you still believe that things might change and it will make you giddy all over again. But as the time goes by, as you go through the process of detaching oneself from that person which is a very disturbing phase of moving on.

You are reminded of all the delightful memories that you had with them but at the same time those memories becomes morbid to even comprehend. You are reminded as well that what you thought was making you joyous, was never the right thing. It comes as whispers from your conscious mind telling you that the memories you valued most was wrong and everything was a lie.

A somewhat alternative reality composed of cobweb of lies. Made to somewhat manipulate you into thinking that they are really interested in you. You kept insisting that there might be things that are real.

You are in denial that at some point the things you thought aren't lies. It felt dreamy and felt like it's real but you were just dreaming while your eyes are open.

Now you're aware that what you feel is the process of detaching oneself to the person who you love so dearly but didn't loved you back.

Only had I known
The true nature
Of my rugged edges
That they weren't supposed to be
So callously blunted
I wouldn't have tried so much
Wasting my time
trying to run them
Into circles where they never belonged
Into places for they never longed
Instead
I would have toiled
Sharpening them with the implied
And make them bleed with unwavering pride.

I feel like a monster
I broke your heart for what I am
And for what it's worth I hate myself for hurting you
I love you that won't change; its the itch I can't scratch
The urges I get when I think of my prey
I don't mean to hurt you or lead you astray
All I ever wanted is what I'm too scared to have
You're the man I hold in my sleep while I devour girls in my dreams please
Forgive me I'm so sorry
It's killing me too

Words speak
What the soul hides
And the soul hides
Behind my eyes

It sees all
Drinking it all in
Feelings left unsaid
Thoughts left un-thought

Just a day ago
All I wanted to do was nothing
And all I ever wanted was a slice
Of that beautiful reality

But I'm hungry for cake
I crave for a pie
I crave for Pi
I crave for transcendence

I have a choice to make
And another tomorrow
Maybe two more, the day
After that

But what if I sit here
And wait
Scared out of my wits
Of regret

Regret is scary
He's big, he's soul crushing
He cripples hope
By just existing

This too shall pass
This everlasting night
Shall turn warm,
Bright, with colours

And maybe then
I'll be happy again
And maybe then
I'll be warm again

I bumped into you the other day
I still think I truly love you
I thought the pain had gone away
But I guess for my heart that's not true

I have been with other guys since we've been apart
But none of them seem to be like you
We wanted the same things but then our river started to part
And sometimes a river stays sliced in two

Do you remember the tears left on my face?
Do you remember all the broken promises we made?
I try to hide it well behind this facade, certain I left no trace
But I guess everything has an end, even a masquerade

I don't know why I started to cry over you, is it maybe moving to Paris?
Or maybe I just have so much yet to discover about who you are
Maybe you're the brightest star, possibly my Polaris
All I know is now you are just a memoir

These mixed feelings seem to get the best of me
But I know apart is when we are best
You were a challenge that astonished me
I've overcome the urge to pass the test

To love is not the same as to be in love
That's a lesson we have all learned over time
I guess it's safe to say none of us were "in love" but more like for a moment we were each other's behove
At least we didn't leave it on a note people could find begrime