what gets you through
will always pull you out
no matter how hard
it feels
what gets you through
will always pave a way
for you
what gets you through
will always be there
for you
for what you feel
and for what you are.

Genius is obsessive;
it pulls the self away and directs will into creation.
When I dissolve into the mission,
there is no time for heartbreak.
Only the cold truth of reality,
and the voice within screaming:
"Keep pushing forward."
Then, the voice grows wings,
and it lifts me from pain into pain,
and I smile. I am one with the world,
and suffering is my weapon of mass destruction,
ready to destroy every comfort
until I am born again in fire.

So difficult a thing to give the inexperienced a way to understand.
Why I am shaped the way I am by things I had never planned.

I could tell you of those things in the hope they would shine a light.
But unless you have been there you just couldn't see them right.

Now I know that from the outside I may look the same as you.
But I also know that on the inside I can see a different view.

Those unplanned things that changed me in oh so many ways.
Leaving me without a point or purpose facing lonely empty days.

So deep the changes made that I struggle to leave my own door.
In a head that despises minutes and asks what all the hours are for.

In a mind that knows me Oh so well fearing you can see inside.
Withdrawn from your society is my only safe place to hide.

My mind is not so broken that I have forgotten all my past.
It knows full well that by choice hope and love have been outcast.

To the inexperienced from a mind that survives a life in this way.
I hope you have clearer understanding of how I live my every day.

I have no wisdom to offer or warning of a path you should avoid.
External views wont show you why survival has been employed.

Where choice has different meaning, instinct plays a bigger part.
And mind suppresses both hope and dreams of a broken heart.

I am become who I am by the path my life road has turned.
I am this shape by instinct to survive, not from lessons I have learned.

Am I a good person?

Underneath all these layers
(The layers of an onion)
[Like Shrek, full of layers]
-pretty sure the onion quote is dead-

I don't want you
to remove my layers
to find a person that
isn't the same on the outside.

Onions are perfect
because with each layer
they look exactly alike.

If you took me apart
we'd find the person
I think you want me to be.
(If you took me apart you'd be a murderer)
[Don't try to find out, organs don't talk.]
-The mess would be such a hassle-

I wish someone could tell me.
It's all in the way,
these layers
they're all that we have.

Is The Purpose of Life
Just to be the first
To beat or cheat Death?

For The Grim Reaper stands supreme.
Some trees have endured
For nearly five thousand years.
And so-called immortal jellyfish
Can regenerate
Back to childhood
Sort of like Doctor Who.

But no-one has achieved mortality.
All we can do is pass the baton
Of Life
To the next generation.
On and on.

Smart science may yet allow us
To modify our genes
And make Regeneration
Real.
Or maybe transfer
Our Consciousness
Into some computer
Or Virtual World.
Who knows what our technology
Might do for us?

The Spiritual Way
Remains our only hope
Of Salvation from Death
Unless…

Paul Butters

© PB 23\10\2020 (2).

A walk through the journey of life,
taking a stroll on the beach side
Looking into oblivion as the sea meets the sky
The dark of nights engulfs my soul
poisoning my mind and raising questions.

"Who am I?"
"What do I stand for?"
"Do I have a purpose?"

The questions echo in my head,
the darkness mocks me with silence
and then it struck me.
My existence was never  meant to be.