As I fumble with these pieces,
Struggling to sort it
Fit it all together,
Medicine to make it better
Treasure lost forever,
An unnamed, un-posted letter

Searching for something
A reason, a purpose
In my bed, turning
Nervousness and stomach churning

Heart burning
Mind learning
Pressing forward, experimenting
Hidden facts presenting

A purpose to live
And a purpose to die
A purpose to tell a person
Everything will be alright!

By Arcassin Burnham

Communicated with your mind once before,
It gave up,
Had enough with all the mishaves of getting stuck,
Never knowing how much beauty could impact,
you say i never lift a finger i resent that,
As your mortal boyfriend you will have no worries,
The state of worrying has packed up and moved,
Don't think about me too hard when I'm thinking
About you,
You saved me from an endless hell of problems
That could have made me or broken my spirit,
But you stayed.......

......And endured it,
You better hope my feet walks into you in
These trees,
I'm trying to relate to better view in these trees,
You better my feet don't walk into you,
We could share a course of new life in these trees.

Life, as it presents itself, is pretty straightforward.
School-work-family-grandkids-retirement.
It's all laid out for us like clothes on the bed when we are kids:
"This is how your life is going to be."
And we watch Disney and see all these people that have adventures And lives that aren't normal by any stretch of the word
And somehow we're expected to still have normal expectations of how
Our lives are going to play out.
Well, I'm sorry, world, but I have a longing to be better.
It's a cookie dough mix made out of both 1. Longing for recognition,
2. Wanting genuine friends,
And 3. Wanting to be valuable to someone.
Its a want to be wanted,
Like the characters in TV shows that get kidnapped and told
"You have a specific skillset that we need"
By a man in a black suit with a grave expression.
Wouldn't that just feel great? Like FINALLY
Someone thinks that I'm important, necessary, talented, special,
DIFFERENT.
It's my greatest fear, the fear of living
9-to-5
Going to work, day after day,
Sliding the project in the inbox, leaving to grab a drink and watch some Netflix alone before bed, then
Doing it all again.
Even if I wasn't alone, if I had family
Wouldn't that get dreary? Like,
Take the kids to school, go to work, pick them up, go home.
Day after day until they grow up and are gone and I retire and then What?
What was the whole point?
I need something bigger//something transcendent
I need a purpose or a goal or a mission
I need someone to tell me, okay, we need you because ___
And then I need to feel the thrill of the moment, the thrill of doing Something I'm inherently good at.
Is it just me or
Am I the only one dissatisfied with life as it presents itself?

It is our consciousness that lives alone
That is why I stare into your eyes
I wonder about you and if you are the same as I
Beyond our chanting
And our place between Kings and beggars

Is my mission to avoid death
Or just the mere thought of it

So I begin where delusion has led me to a new world
And yet I do not risk my life
I am no mariner crossing vast oceans
That would be remind me too much of death
And yet acquiring breadfruit is enough to circumnavigate my fate

The pleasantness of why we are here is the story we write
Our purpose must be believed
Whether we find it or not
What is good and evil are equal in the sight of a mortal man
He cannot conquer one or the other
He can only hope to find solace and joy in humility
In the building of a home
Or the love of a child
For honor beyond that only becomes tinder for his own glory

Am I so far evolved from lions
Dignity
Strength
Courage
Unquestioned worth
I see it in their pride
I am only able to reason the things they do not care to ponder

But there was a man
His greatness unquestioned
He was unafraid to die
So much that he risked his life everyday
Each new day a blessing
A chance to save mankind
To remind them that the path is peace
Not power
Every bone was broken
But not his soul
That was their mistake
For every blow sounded the drum
And God heard it well
And though the dove could not find him
Still he knew
In him he was well pleased

There were many men
But so too were there women
Waiting for freedom
Waiting in line
For the men came first
And they admired them
They knew who must accept the blows
And though they lived apart
A warrior loves unconditionally
And she knew he would die for her
As he would die for his people
It was enough to know these things

That is how they lived

That is how they lived

That is how they lived

That is how they lived

In mourning always
They knew they were part of a funeral procession
They took turns as pall bearers for their past
They learned to laugh with honor
And cry long enough to live again
For as no storm lives forever
No heart can be broken that is willing to heal itself

If only I knew how

L** osing people.
I gniting fires.
F ailing sometimes.
E nduring forever.