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i trusted you to guard my emotions
but somehow you captured my heart and managed to let darkness into my chambers
your attack managed to make my heart vulnerable
susceptible to breakage
and just when I thought your invasion was over
you decided to crush my heart to absolute fragments
an unforgivable plot
yet you were forgiven
and although it took me forever to rebuild after you
i would take you back in a second
and suffer all over again
i dont understand why I keep coming back to you
nights feel like years
when your heart lies awake
trying to grasp the last moment
when it felt at peace with you
i wish you were here to hold me
JB Feb 2019
Happy 6 months sweetie! I love you so much <3

6 months
120 some days

but all i remember are the nights
of loneliness

staring at the ceiling
wondering a million what-ifs
and what-did-i-dos

what if i never brought it up
what if you never texted her
what if we just talked
what did i not do that she did
what did i do that wasn't enough
not skinny enough?
not kind enough?
not perfect enough?
i've concluded
not enough

curling up
holding my stomach tight
breathing heavy into my pillow
so no one knew
my anxiety attacks about you

thinking about you
and then her
really leaves me here
to think with my mind unclear
left with a smear

nothing to do
no one to go to
but you

only
you are not there
not in the same way
as before

or at least
not for me
i'm sorry
Umi Jan 2019
Isn't making sense over so little irrational ?
Then again, with the constant change of life is there such a thing as being completely, or even partly rational to begin with ?
Perhaps not, all what is thought of it are social standards which in themselves differ from each culture in each country in a small world,
Those unlikely to advance are left in darkness all by themselves,
Rotting within the terror of their mind, shunned by interaction,
With the simple wish to be considered normal, to feel the way most of their many encounters of human beings do every single day,
As a result, they may further distance themselves and define each other as an inhuman, resented by life, losing the last light of hope,
Such is a cycle of despair, a downward spiral of lost emotions,
What does it take to enjoy just one more day, one more moment,
Before quitting it all the same, leaving without trace,
After all a demon like me has no place
In this beautiful world.

~ Umi
Tayler Jan 2019
hot sharp pain
white fire pain
a hold of me
no escape pain

nipping at my ankles pain
squeezing my heart pain
a burning sensation
piercing the dark pain

a slip through the fingers
a just out of touch
a just a little longer
enough is not enough

pain in the past
pain in the present
pain promised in the future
but pain is not forever
it is so painful to write a poem
...
a poem for you
...
the scars started to open again
...
is it worth it to use this dripping blood
use this as an ink to write
...
about you?
...
every line feels like
there are thousand ants biting at my heart
...
i cannot fin-
Arghh
.
.
.
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
Anger brings out a side of people
Perhaps one that hasn’t been seen
But then again it’s useful
It makes the slate start clean

I have a motto now
I’ll live each day for me
I’m done trying to satisfy the thirsty man
And portraying what he wants me to be

Let’s be honest I should’ve seen this coming
After all he wasn’t mine
But God it shouldn’t of hurt like this
And I shouldn’t be silently crying
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