There was a time I knew sadness,
There was a time I knew pain.
There was a time I knew sorrow,
There was a time I knew shame.

And then I saw her;
Not like a dream, not like a hope,
But real, alive,
A spark in a world that had forgotten how to burn.

She didn’t speak the same language as my grief,
Her words were light,
But they landed heavy,
Like rain on a parched land.

She smiled, and for the first time in years,
I didn’t feel broken.
I didn’t feel like a collection of wounds
Held together by fragile skin.

She held my hand once,
And the touch was like a promise,
A promise that maybe the weight I carried
Wasn't mine to bear alone.

She took my sadness,
Took my pain,
Took my sorrow,
Took my shame,
And replaced them with warmth
I didn’t think I could feel.

But then one day,
I looked into her eyes.

And in that moment,
I saw it—
All the things she had taken from me,
All the things she had quietly held,
Lived there, in the depths of her gaze.

And for a single moment...

There was a time I saw sadness,
There was a time I saw pain.
There was a time I saw sorrow,
There was a time I saw shame.

I tell them fake stories based on my real emotions
I reach out but my mind and body are frozen
So instead I become who people want me to be
Coz all I ever wanted was for someone to hold me

I was tied to the train tracks.
For all the horrible things I didn’t do?

I had a small knife.
What’s the point?
It’s dull.

I could try,
but it’d be endless.

It started as a rumor, that morning.
By my last class, gym,
it was the fourth time they pushed me.

What’s the point of getting back up
if it’s dulled to happen again?

I’d let them,
especially him,
crush my skull until I died.

The funny thing is,
the rumor was true.

I did have a crush on him.
I was just a boy.

Would that I could escape all this pain
I run and run but my body’s still the same
If I could float I could fly leave my body for a time
To know the weightlessness of not being overwhelmed by this constant pain
To flit in the currents of the wind and not feel the whole world around me spin
To run and not tire to walk and not ache
To fit in with the crowds passing by
To relate to them when they complain about what it is like to fly
To fit in without even having to try
Instead of trying so hard to lock it all up inside
Just smile and say your doing fine
And I’m sorry I can’t make it I haven’t got the time
Just to sit inside and cry till all my tears are dry
Wondering what it would be like if I could only fly

Slice me open and cut him out.
Use the sharpest scalpel and most precise
technique to dislodge what I've found.
Pump me full of oxygen
opening a valve for my revitalization.
My lips are blue from holding my breath
waiting for his kiss.
May the surgeon be a master with his hands
to ensure every last bit of him is removed.
Not a spec missed.
Check my vitals so I don't asphyxiate on my own
chunks of delusion.
Stitch me up good and tight so that
his essence has no way to infect me.
Pray for a speedy recovery as I mend and heal.
Off to rehab for me as I rediscover who I was meant to be.
No pills or therapy please.
Perhaps one day the healed me will
crash into him and I'll still
be in one piece.

A forest that grows on pain,
A scar on every leaf.
Yet,
A day that does not wait for death,
Silence says that tomorrow will come.