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i walked away from you when you told me i would be nothing.
you know why?
because today i was something.
and there is no way posssible
that someday i will be nothing
when TODAY i was something
that-that pain
uhuh it's in my head i guess?
like my eyebrows are being pulled over my eyes
oh lord it HUrts
okay makayla breathe you will be fine.
no NO NO
i will not be fine when i have this
headache
aching and paining
ugh
this headache
Emily 11h
Wish you could be my escape,
but you're the one causing the pain.
At this point I'm starting to blame myself.
Let you know how I feel,
then the effort is lost.
Constantly feeling ignored.
I have to stop expecting more.
The love I give is never translated back to me.
You never seem to give me your time.
No longer feeling worth it.
You tell me I'm special,
your actions speak differently.
Don't treat me like you promised you would.
Why do I even bother?
It's just this thought in my head,
this feeling that your love will be inordinate.
Something special that keeps me waiting,
waiting for you to open up to me,
for you to love me.
want me,
care for me,
maybe even fall for me.
Still. In silence.
Embraced in a gaze,
my eyes are latched onto yours.
My thumb traces along the
Stubble above your lips...
I’m trapped in your wells,
I wish I could transfer
The pain, the sorrow, the anxiety.
With just one lingering gaze,
Be the host for your troubling
Disposition.
So I could deal with it for you.
& you could be set free.
Sketcher 12h
Please, just go very far away,
And remember you create the pain,
In spite of your elating presence,
No, you don't make me feel pleasant,
Full of good memories from the past,
Untold tales that never did last,
Lying in yore while I hurt in the present aghast.
P
A
I
N
F
U
L
Emily 12h
Like a dog on a cold winters night,
I just wish you would let me in.
Hold me tight.
Kiss my pain away.
I feel free
I don’t love her
I am just lonely
And I feel free
I don’t want to use the word love. I don’t know what it means. It has been used so much so mystically that it had lost its meaning. Do I feel happy suddenly when I get your text? Sure. Do I get jealous when that macho guy hovers around you? Sure. Do I want to drop you home safely? Yes. Do I worry you might be too worried because of that project you’re working on? Yes. Do I want to talk to you at night but don’t because you might be too tired? Yes. But is it love? I can throw around poetic words about your beauty and how your smile feels like home to me, but is it love? I don’t know what you feel about me, because the truth is even I don’t know what I feel about you.
Where did it come from?
This animosity inside of me
Growing each time you and I speak.
I don’t hate you no matter what you’ve done

So, dear self, remember this please,
Because today is the day I release.
I need to learn to compartmentalize
Because I still sssociate you wish lies.
But soon you will be nothing in my eyes
You will no longer make me cry.
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