Choked up by the memories.
Rivers flow
From your eyes.
Emotion keeps avoiding me
until it makes me cry.
A tiny little detail,
Just some forgotten fact,
But I can't help but dive in deeper
and it all comes rushing back.

To feel or exist
is to know without a doubt
that you're in the depths.

creating my own
magic and peace
i’m keeping my head
in the clouds--

sometimes i look down
& i can see
all that i find
**** near debilitating.

most things are overwhelming.

i can't help it that
i can be overwhelming, too.

Day in- day out
My stress keeps me company
As I wake up- as I lie back down
When the moon has long risen-
I'm too tired to ignore it

Patches of raised flesh adorn me
Lattice work spiraling from my fingernails
Itching settles the urge for a moment
As my body wishes to burst free

Of the poison my mind erupts with
On a daily basis- as I am- corrupted
And plagued- by demons fueled by rain
I get sliced all day- there is only pain

And strongest urge to end it all

I can’t.
I can’t take this,
I can’t feel good,
I won’t be good,
It’s never enough.

I jump in, and swim till I drown
I slice my wrists, I pour out the blood till I’m empty
I hold on till my fingers refuse to uncurl
I drive not only till the car runs out of gas, but piece by piece it begins to fall apart

just like me.
I’m falling apart, waiting for someone to piece me back together.
I gather the pieces myself, but my glue isn’t enough.
I need something stronger, I need to be someone stronger.

I want someone to tell me I’m enough. I want to feel needed.
I self-loathe, I self-pity, I hide behind a false sense of humor and confidence.
Underneath it all is nothing.
Complete, utter emptiness.
We say we’re empty, numb, but what does that mean?
We all feel, whether it be purely happiness or hurt, regardless of how numb.

Emptiness is not simply feeling nothing. It’s feeling as if you’re nothing.

I didn't think I could've done it
Talk to my love like that
Told her I didn't want to take her back
Force her away and never look at
I have so many photos of her
I have so many memories with her
I've grown so close with her
No moonlight will ever shine brightly as her might
Her lips alone brought a smile to my own
Parting ways this feeling is above me
I will never find someone like that

I will never be loved by someone else
Like she loved me
So true, I beckon the thought as I crouch on my knees
Is this the guilt that's been itching after cold words left my breath?
Over the phone, I couldn't greet her face to face
To see her with blank eyes as I rejected her
To see her break down harder and justify that she would be alone
Even though I was redirecting her
I told her best friend about our situation and we talked for a long time
I was surprised over how much she invested her own time
You see...I only knew from the perspective of what my love told me
So forever alone I didn't know I had company

Always the one to blame
Quick Draw, pointing fingers it may
It was the hardest decision I made
It was incredibly relieving and still so misleading
I didn't think I would ever say the words I said
I didn't think I could ever let her go
But this is the only chance I have to let her grow
If she wants to change this is the turning point
I hope she can forgive me one day I don't know
I know that she hates me
And I need to do the same thing and let it go.

I want to pour my heart out
but he isn't the right person
this isn't the right time
I want to tell you everything
but you know too much already
and you have your own problems

I don't want this to be a one way street
but I have so many thoughts
so much to say
and no one to listen
no one who cares

so I pour my tiny pieces of myself
into everyone I know
just enough so that they
feel like they know me
but not enough that they feel overwhelmed