I am lopsided
I always have been
But I've never felt it so sharply
As I have since you left

Now I feel like I am tipping
Barely balanced on one foot
Waiting for a brisk wind
To ******* over

You aren't here
And I don't have anything
To keep my equilibrium
So I tip, tip, tip

Things falling off
As I desperately try
To keep them all balanced
And I tip, tip, tip

And wonder
What will finally knock me over
And I know
I won't get back up

I am tiny,
miniscule amidst
these waves,
gray, grave, and claiming
every ounce
of
will and work
from my poor soul.
I have so much to give,
but how little it is
when compared with
the demand.

Don't you think today is a beautiful day?
It rained, but that's okay.
The weather doesn't define a day, nor a book its cover- Wait, scratch that, reverse it... Oh! But my words don't matter!

Whatever other cliché you can think of, it still pales in comparison to the glimmering, glittering, glistening giddiness I heard in your words, like a small child after indulging in his second juice box.

I felt it in your smile, though I couldn't see it. So strong, it broke through the foggy break in an unforgiving sky. It was the kind of feeling so strong to radiate through my flesh like building, blistering, bubbles about to pop in a *** of boiling water.

Oh, but the sun was so bright today!
Its ultraviolet burn into my skin... an exhilarating feeling, like tears at the end of a good movie, without an inkling of sadness within a thousand mile radius, like puddles after a cleansing drizzle.

My, what good weather we're having, wouldn't you say?
It rained, but that's okay.

today i felt the need to let go.

no, im not telling you for the
sake of seeking attention.

but today i had to let go...

let go of my worries,
stresses, thoughts, insecurities
that have been engulfing me;
worsening by the moment.

so i erased it all from my mind.
only giving it the freedom
to return at any other time

any other time
but now.

because i could no longer carry
the suffocating weight of
the burden of those feelings
on my mind

my sanity was on the
brink of mental destruction,
overwhelming and no control.

so i let it out feelings and thoughts
in a way that brought with it
a limited peace card.

in the form of steamy streams of
hot torrents that manifested
the arduous pain - my bottled up
emotions and its result that
came in floods leaving me feeling
a drip of rectifying relief...

but not close to
feeling satisfied.

although to be honest
it pacified me
long enough for me
to attentively apprehend
that emotions and feelings
were tides; continuously
falling and rising

but with time
I’d be in the last stages
of my metamorphosis
I’d be in control of the tide
I’d be surfing along its waves
finally infused with tranquility

because for the first time
in what would be a long time,
i would be at peace.

-z

I’d like to run…
Away from the madding crowd
Where I feel trapped and alone
In a world full of people.

I’d like to escape, if only for a while,
From where I feel like a stranger
In a world that I used to belong,
That used to feel my home.

I’d like to go to a distant place
Where I could be alone,
Even for just a moment,
That even my thoughts could not find me.

I am a strong woman,
But I am exhausted.
I’m tired of fixing
Everything that is broken.

Giving everything to everyone
Until nothing is left for me.
I’m tired of giving love
But not getting love back in return.

I’m tired of being kind
To people who are ungrateful.
I am tired,
But I am not giving up.

I just need a place of respite
To heal my aching body,
Restore my soul,
Recharge my spirit.

Loving can be exhausting,
But loving is what keeps me going.
I’m going away from the madding crowd
To find myself from where I thought I’ve lost it.

©Penchie Limbo

Itchy scritchy
Creepy crawly
Something in my skin.
I pick and scratch to free
Fictitious bugs that squirm within.

Whump-a thump-a
Thudd, thudd
Pounding in my ears,
Punctuating every sound
with thrums like stabbing spears.

Wiggle wobble
Swoopy swirly
Motion fills my eyes.
Saturated, inundated,
Stillness its disguise.

Shaky shaky
Twitch-a-twitchy
Static in my limbs,
***** them tight together
Til the chaos finally dims.

In the quiet, darkest, smallest space
I sit and reminisce
Of back when just existing
didn't make me feel like this.

i know sadness.

but there is also, i think, the kind of sadness that you feel in your fingertips, your ribs, your elbows, your forehead, your teeth—

i know that sadness too.