I want to cry.

I dont know why.

My heart aches
my head hurts,
my body is tired,

and my thoughts have gone wild.

I wake up when the morning takes its first few breaths and it guides my lungs along,
it says;
breathe, breathe child,
it's true you're in the bottom bulb of the hourglass,
but it's not the sand you're drowning in,
it's your thoughts.

wish i never did that.

****.

i thought the words

“i love you”

were for me?

your someone special?

why am i seeing messages

where you just

throw it away

to the next guy who says it back to you

and is available?

is it because i haven’t said it to you yet?

is it because i’m not worth the entirety of your time?

is it because you think i’m doing the same thing as you?

what am i supposed to do?

should i ask you if what you have with this guy is more special than this?

it’s not okay to lie.

tell me if i bore you.

tell me if i fall short the love you deserve.

tell me if you feel like you’re grasping at straws trying to love me.

tell me.

because if you don’t,

i’ll keep this within me.

it’ll start off small.

it’ll slowly boil.

it’ll eat every emotion i receive from you

and release it as doubt, uncertainty.

when the time comes,

when you feel like i’ll finally say

“i love you”

you’ll hear these words instead,

“i hate you”

A never ending well
You fall
And you fall and fall and fall,
Yet you never plummet

It’s sad and terrifying, yet reassuring,
All at the same time.
Some may attack this part of me, calling it an illness, and at times where my fear strikes and I begin to feel the fingers of everyone I love, detach, I see it as such - an illness - too.

Overthinking has, in some way, crippled my ability to just be,
To live in the moment.
Some nights, it is my only companion, tucking me into bed, playing with my hair, letting me know I’m not alone, never, not entirely.

Sometimes, when the world aims its’ horrendous acts of violence, like heartbreak and disappointment,
Overthinking wraps it’s arms around my stomach and disables me from thinking straight and in some ****** up way, it might be asking me to stop, turn back, and walk the furthest away from them as possible.
In some ****** up way, it’s helping me see things clearly
But I never listen.
I don’t think it works that way for me.
No matter how many warning signs, red flags appear in front of me,
Sometimes all I want to do is wither the storm and hope I come out of it alive.
Maybe in some ****** up way, I believe this would make me stronger, even though that has caused me to break into even smaller pieces than imaginable.

Well don't you know girl,
You're a wonder of this world.
A butterfly's wing wrapped around mountain ranges.
Dancing like lillies on lakes of sunset kisses and morning hugs.
Trapped in the maze of half cooked poems, imagery and pain,
I can't get you off my mind, but I'm really not complaining.

Anyways,
Um
So i was thinking,
That you know,
Um
Oh yeah
What if
Tongues were fingers and fingers were tongues,
Would we taste what we touch
Would we touch what we taste
I don't know
Just thinking
Which i seem to do too much.