We are leaving in the morning.

I can feel the press of memory
in the curve of a downward
fold, behind a torn up receipt just
next to the jut of new
roller handles. I feel it

in the coconut drink the park
cafeteria ran out of this afternoon.
The açai you thought I wouldn’t like.
How many unfinished days
are there left scratched into places
tipping over the ends of old maps?

You hand me a snack box (for tomorrow);
tell me to go to bed.
I am afraid Today will spill out
through my yawning–
from my head to the pillow
until there is nothing left, only

our Unfinished set aside for tomorrow
and all the packing we have left to do.

I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get married October 3rd, 2020.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk down the aisle in a white gown I picked.  
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk myself because I'm not an object to be "handed off".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get closer and closer but yet it feels so far away.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to see eyes on me I only wished would have given me that much attention growing up.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to vow to the man I love that I will "always be with You".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to cry because life feels like its moving so fast yet the moment's pass so slow.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to pray that people care enough to come.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to hope his family accepts me without a second thought.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to convince myself that "I'm strong enough" to hold it together.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to marry the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm getting married in October.
"I'm going to be his wife."
I'm getting married in October.
I'm getting married.

.

I braced myself for the impact of what the blow would be. Kissing the sleep out of you on that cloudy Saturday morning keeps on running through my mind like the memories are water swirling in a whirlpool, they keep going and going before my eyes and I can't shut it out to sleep. You- God kissing you, feeling one of your arms go under my neck and the other around my waist made me feel like all the harsh silences and sad facts became irrelevant and all that mattered was the way you kissed me by the piano and the way you pulled my body towards you this morning. I'm preparing myself for the blow of you leaving and I don't want to.

The falling rain
Of late October
Fills me with essential dread

As I rush about
And end up here
Wherever here is


The rain outside
Seems like the tears of god


As I sit
Crying over my beer

Thinking of lost love
And failed dreams

Wondering
What went wrong?
And what I can set right

And the rain falls
And the night darkens

The rain is falling
All over this man’s world

And the rain falls
And I sit

Drinking my lonesome drink
Lost in dreams

Dreaming of what
Could never be

Thinking dark thoughts
And so, I sit
And dream the night away

we used the right words at the wrong time
we were kids, tired of our hometown
cranking the heater and writing poetry with our hands in the humidity on your sunroof
you'd kiss my fingers and talk about us
another us, far from here
where we had already spent mornings in bed that faded into quiet afternoons
I told you I'd miss you and we left the spaces between us as some kind of divine obliteration
I'm forgetting the taste of october
and you are learning how to brave the chill of december without the warmth of me