#ocd poems on Hello Poetry

Empire Jun 2019

It's like I used to be able to see so much
It’s like I used to be able to feel so much
More than I should have been able to...
Infrared, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, ultraviolet
But infrared and ultraviolet were too much to bear
They were blinding me, crippling me
Too much of a good thing, I guess
So they gave me a pill to pop
That blunts the edges
And all I see now
Are yellow
and green
But I remember when I could see ultraviolet...

#mentalillness #anxiety #disorder #depression #ocd #antidepressants #simile #metaphor

Empire Jun 2019

Lukewarm

I’m not exactly sad
I’m not exactly happy
I smile sometimes
I cry extremely rarely
So... is that it?
Is this the recovery I was promised?
Lukewarm all over
Breathing... I guess?
Passion all but faded
My lips keep uttering,
“I don’t care”
I mean... I’m not obsessive now
Most of the compulsions are gone
(Though some simply replaced)
I wake up in the morning
But the fire is gone
My fire is gone...

#passion #antidepressants #life #mind #mentalillness #anxiety #ocd #numb

Empire Jun 2019

Changed

They’re afraid I’m not myself
That the little circular tablet has changed me
But how would we know?
Before I was crippled by adrenaline
I was so young
You can’t compare me to that
And in the midst of my darkest days...
You can’t possibly believe that’s me
Is that who you’re looking for?
Because I don’t care about everything now
It’s not perfect
But I’m not obsessive anymore
And that’s what I needed most

All I have is who I am now

#antidepressants #anxiety #depression #existential #life #self #mind #change #ocd

Empire Jun 2019

Disordered

Disorder
The word still echoes in my head
Surreal and complicated
Such a heavy word
Even though it's been almost a year
Since things were so bad
And I heard the words:
Anxiety Disorder
Eating Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Followed by the words:
Depression
Phobia
Medication
Each one like a lightning strike
I can feel them in my veins
But the most frightening
Was hearing the prefix:
Severe

I'm still not honest enough with myself about some of these words...

#disorder #mentalillness #anxiety #depression #ocd #antidepressant #severe #diagnosis

Shea Apr 2019

The effects of April 22nd

And as the room begins to brighten
I'm enlightened by a soft touch
of bones easily dislocatable
And sensitive to touch
And even though those bones slip
From their holes
The floor holds them before me
So delicate and worn
I've sworn that I'll swallow my disease
Digest it, spit it up before you have
To see it acting up
But today was different
You watched my ears close and head shake
With blood down my nose
Sweat on my clothes
From holding it back.
I'm sorry you had to see it
See it act up.

#jaded #poem #ocd #disease #april #22nd #poetry #freeverse