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will Mar 2019
It wasn't a problem
just a tick really
it's kind of silly

It was nothing much
correcting tilted things
organizing rings

It wasn't a problem till after
when nothing was clean
and hands had to gleam

Skin was cracking
it was like a disorder
everything had to be in order
Sophomore year what was there to fear but my own habits?
thea Mar 2019
They will come.
And it'll you.
It'll hit you because its the 21st century, the reality of the modern world. You and them; them and everything that surrounds them.
Like a pedestrian attempt, the government system is all at cost about change and more change and brainwashing.
The in and out assests duplicating the excruciating mantel of dead lives and lives at stake.
You will walk half-asleep doing things you think are important.
Like a baptized child, to sanitize the dirt is even pious to the church, but they will come to you
and expect you to write about them; them and everything that surrounds them.
A column of pathological liars, OCD's, manic depressives, and a row of *** positives is the table of modernism.
But its fine, until 24/7 never stop wishing to 11:11.
Like a house is fine without a home, you will at least feel you're not alone.
They will offer a god - in high buildings, in the streets, in your neighborhood; a fine narcotic charm
that will mend your mood. And then they will come to you.
You and them; the faces, the ideologies, the tattoos, the smell, the drugs, the skin; they will insist you to write about them.
And it'll hit you.
They're disgustingly beautiful.
Way of thinking - sound,
tattoos - artsy,
scent - morning's dew,
drugs - crystal and *****,
skin - cashmere of the richest kind.
Like faith, you are worm on bait in the modern world called 21st century.
They will come to you wanting you to write about them.
You and them; them and everything that surrounds them.
Empire Mar 2019
There's nothing more
Terrifying
Than knowing your
Own brain
Is telling you lies
You don't know what to believe.
It's the worst kind of confusion.
Samantha tully Mar 2019
Depression?
It's like a house, with 20 rooms,
But you're living in one.

You've got all that space,
But youre suffocated and conjusted,
You're trapped in that one little room,
Sitting in the corner,
Living in the dark.

Walls with no windows,
Door with heavy lock,
Ceiling with bits and cracks,
Floor with ***** water puddles,

You're starving,
Yet you're choked,
You're alive,
Yet you feel numb,

Your heart beats like,
It's going to stop,
Your body as cold as death,
Your heart lives on a threat,

Day or night,
You're still in darkness,
Your heart accompanys your mind,
You're dumb,
And your thoughts speak.

That little room is your world,
A world with no escape,
You've forgotten yourself,
You're only ready to visit grave,

You sing yourself old lullabies,
Yet the monsters in your room
wont let you sleep,
You smile,
You smile dead,
for you know,
You'll soon sleep forever.

The cracked ceiling
Is drifting apart,
Knocking your head,
And you know,
The fall is on a start,

20 rooms but you're trapped in one.
The one that finally broke down in two,
You weren't ready for that, but your soul was,
You finally saw the light hitting your face,
A glance of happiness came for a chase,

Yet, In a single blink,
You're dead,
The ceiling had fallen on your head,
Blood shattered,
Monsters cry,
You died in light,
While you lived in darkness.

Depression?
Its like a house with 20 rooms, but you were living in one.
Empire Mar 2019
As long as I can remember
I had this friend
Only, I didn't see her
I only felt her touch

At first, no one else saw her
She blended in with me
We appeared as one
And maybe we were

Over time, she grew impatient
She got louder, stronger
She'd rage and throw fits
But they still didn't see her

She learned to scream from my lips
Shutting me down
She took control over me
And I hid beneath her

She told me she'd protect me
And I believed every word
She had always been there
So there she ought to stay

Until she grew so loud
Others began to see
She shoved me so far down inside
And told me she knew best

Every thought, feeling, action
Was under her control
She held a toy gun to my head
And convinced me it was real

When she grew too loud,
Everyone could see
I didn't know
What was wrong with me

When I finally had the power
To put her in her place
She begged, clawed, and fought
Using every bit of strength

But I won

Now she sits quietly
Able to offer advice
Only when I ask her
Does she ever take control

Slowly but surely
I've found my way out
Of the cage she created
Deep within my self
Empire Mar 2019
I gave it my all
That’s what you said to do
You said one hundred and ten percent
So I did it for you

That was fine
I was alright
Until someone else said those same words
Again, again, again

I thought I could handle it
At first
But slowly I drained myself
Like a battery

You gave me handshakes and high-fives
Awards and degrees
Certifying my excellence
Molding my existence

I pushed myself
I met my deadlines
I did what you said
I did what all of you said

After a time
All of me was poured out
Scattered
Empty

Everything I had held
Fell broken and scattered
And frantically I tried to rebuild it
From what was left

My hands shake as I try
To put the pieces back in order
A desire, a compulsion
To control my storm

Anything
Everything
Hold it together
Hold something together

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Echoes in my mind
As thoughts spin and whirl
A tornado of expectations

I should…
But I can’t…
Well of course not
You’ve been drained for years

“Shoulds” and “oughts”
The poison in my thoughts
I just wanted to do what you said
To show you I had listened

I always had something to prove
I still do
But now it’s not about you
It’s about me

Now, I excel when I can
When I want to
If I don’t,
It was my choice

I don’t care what you think.
I value your opinion
But now I also value my own
I know my limits

There is so much me to explore
I can’t believe I let you drive so long
I missed out on me
And so did you

So when you say to give it my all,
I might
I might not
That’s my choice

I know how much of me I have to give
Only I can portion my time
You don’t know everything
I am strong, and I have limits

I have the power to say, “no”
When you ask to take from me
But I also can say, “yes” graciously
Knowing that I don’t need it

See, that’s what’s changed
I know what I need
I don’t rely on your knowing better
Because I can decide for myself

Rather than giving everything my all,
I give it my best
Knowing that I need to save some for myself
A bit of extra bandwidth in reserve

This way, you don’t own me
But I can offer myself to you
I can still give with grace
But I can withhold with wisdom

I give it my best
simo Feb 2019
there is no rhythm to my poems anymore
i've lost touch, lost the skill to manifest these thoughts
perhaps the ability to think
my thoughts have congealed, melted, turned my eyelids from red to pink

it is exhausting
feeling nothing without knowing of apathy
it is like drowning
but you just never sink

i want a movement, baby
i want pain and a heart on the side
letting things go is like watching myself die

living life is not living if it is all for the wait
i want to feel the sun on my bones
feel my soul for a change

when does it get better than this?
never knew myself to be so lazy, tired, stoic, stained
i want to be myself or whoever else for a day
i can't seem to shake this feeling again
back with my therapist. i guess poetry comes with the territory.
lila Feb 2019
i was at work this evening
sweeping back and forth
back and forth
and back and forth
...12 times
mind plagued with compulsions,
ocd, anxieties
i hear the whispers
muttered by those who think
that u were the one
who did this to me
wow, u really drove me mad,
drove me crazy!

but back to the scene at hand
i hear the opening notes
of that band
i know and that song
that became so comfortable and
oh so familiar
...zz top, sharp dressed man

i’m taken into a trance
this image of you smiling on this couch
oh so deceiving,
yet so inviting
i give in and sneak a glance
of you
playing your own one man air band
drums and guitar
with you’re long hair flying everywhere
like a crown around your head
...before those toxins turned your hair
as thin and frail as you

there’s a tug at my heart
and it hurts a little
what’s this feeling?
i haven’t felt this towards you in a while
but it comes by sometimes
hand in hand with that deceiving smile
for a fleeting moment
...i miss u?
before i remember
what lay behind
that venomous grin

then i’m angry
for once not at you
but at myself
i hate you!
i hate you
i’m supposed to hate you
right?

i didn’t know what to feel
before i felt that familiar sensation
a heavy weight in my chest as
my heart rate speeds up
and i have to pull myself back
into reality
quick! before i lose control
thoughts spiraling around me
focus on something else
anything else!
anxieties, ocd, compulsions
maybe it’ll ease the weight on my chest
i grip the broom in my small, sweating, trembling hands
and begin to sweep
back and forth
back and forth
and back and forth
...24 times this time
1/22/2019
Pyrrha Feb 2019
OCD
I think I'm always stressed out
Because my mind is always a mess
I must have OCD for my thoughts
It makes me
u    
           n
c
     o   m
F    
        o
                      r
T           a
     b                l
              E
So I make lists of what must be done
What I want to do, what I'm going to do
And many more lists
To organize my thoughts, just a little bit
allure Feb 2019
Once a little girl
with chocolate eyes
full of bright determination
and so full of tries
opportunities taken from the left and the right
newspapers
radios
she had so much delight
"You are so bright"
"You'll go far"
"C'mon girl, you know you're a star"
but sometimes you get taken by surprise
and all of a sudden
problems begin to arise
out of nowhere you can't seem to get out of bed
you can't sleep at night due to thoughts in your head
your mind starts to race
like a horse on the track
but instead of running forward
this ones running back
so fast you can't catch him
you're fate's looking grim
your cup was once filled up to the brim
now running on empty
but cannot give up
because soon, my love
you will grow up
almost too fast
but one day
you'll see
you'll be able to say
take that, world,
I am me.
and I am okay.

c.p
This is a poem about Mental Health, coming from a personal perspective.
Remember, it always gets better. Things take time, and everything happens for a reason. When one door closes, another opens. You just need to find your door!
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