I never loved me
But loved you til I forgot
How to hate myself

Men. Boys. Small obsessions.
I want to be free of them.
Of me?

I get too drunk too quickly. Too excited.
A sloppy kiss in a badly lit kitchen can unlock something deep inside me.

A flicker of waking desire.
Nothing tastes better than a secret.

Nothing better than the soft touch of the lips you are supposed to stay away from.
I trace my fingers over the questions he smeared all over me.

Always cold and restless. How can I stop it?
Do I want it to stop when I’m this young and problematic?
  
Hungry for emotion, I want to get drunk off others' lips.
I want to wander in the drunken haze cloaked in the smoke of gossip.

A word from him. Hell of a digital rollercoaster.

I am easily hooked, always happy to surrender. Does he want me enough to keep me stable for a few weeks?

Do I love him? Do I hate him?
I only need him.

Is this inspiration or pure desperation?
Should I be grateful or furious?
For now, I am both.
  
Is this the burden of inadequacy that comes with being a poet?
Are we the most shallow of all?

What if this tumultuous destruction of my fevered ***** mind proves itself completely pointless?

I am made out of buzzing question marks.
  
My heart is on the verge of exploding.
My stomach is corroded with terror.
I can only handle this much.

I can’t do this anymore.

This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Attachment tear you from inside,
Leaves your heart nowhere to hide.
Introverted, deeply twisted within,
Lonely yet fine, a world kept thin.

Used by people, trusted in vain,
Sadness flows, but not like pain.
Loneliness, a silent, constant friend,
Attachment breaks what time won’t mend.

It cuts you deep, it takes so long,
To heal, to move, to feel strong.
One person can turn your world to gray,
Their absence, a shadow that won’t stray.

You think of them, though they don’t care,
Their indifference more than you can bear.
Trying and trying, you seek to let go,
Yet thoughts of them forever flow.

Why obsess when the future’s bleak?
Their apathy shows the truth you seek.
I wish to be cold, unfeeling, free,
Yet attachment keeps imprisoning me.

Yet in this pain, a truth I find,
To love myself, to clear my mind.
Attachment tears you from inside,
But healing mends what’s pushed aside.

Together,
I thought it was forever.
There I was having a serious ponder.
On where I'll end up regardless of whatever.

Like a shattered glass house,
My whole heart scattered.
Remembering that heart aching December,
Tears flow down in embers.
You left without warning,
And I was left sulking.

The shiniest star up high,
Is the only picture I have of you.
How? Why?
I never knew.
But still I'm forced to carry on,
With a life I didn't bargain for.

You swayed,
She stayed.
I felt weight swept off my shoulder pad,
Till one thought,
Fueled her reason to be fed up,
With both of us hooked up.

Well, it's fine.
She deserves to taste wine.
I let her,
Or more like; she let her.
With no consideration at all,
Of how I'll feel by it all.

Now, I'm alone,
The word itself is me.
And the only thing that keeps me going,
Is; "If he were here,
How far will I be from this five cruel wording"

It was my first indulgent,
Not quite my requirement.
I did it anyways, even though my heart parted ways.
I got used to it,
I got obsessed and addicted.
I outgrowed and declined every form of forced agreement.
It didn't end there,
For I explored,
More than godess or god.
I didn't have a care in the world,
Of how I'll look,
If they found out about my world.

I'm innocent,
Or maybe I'm not.
I blame this, I blame that, I blame them,
But the fact is I carried on.
They were unable to bring me back,
For I myself had formed a pack.
I finally found my switch,
A hard switch; hard to press,
But it was there.

Now there is no turning back for me,
For the thought of written words,
Is what unlocks my secret door.
The pace was far,
The race was sour.
And today I say,
I guess I have to put up with this aching sensation,
Due to my Obsession and Addiction

Dear celebrity crush,
I wish that I could clone you
so I could have my own you,
my creepy devotion
would fill up an ocean

I'm just a writer.

Nothing more, but never less.
I know my worth, while you ******* stretch.
I have the cards and I have the gun
you have no clue what distress can do.

Be my buddy or be muse
Just leave me alone
If you think I'll lick the blood from your rotten wounds.

It was a few weeks and we fell high in love
I sat and gazed while he took the plunge.
I loved whenever our hands interlaced,
just delicately resting on the same gun.